


The Joining

by Mzmouze



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 03:57:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mzmouze/pseuds/Mzmouze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack loses his mind and his soul when the team is captured by a sadistic Goa'uld.  Only one thing can save him and that's The Joining but it will take the love of a strong woman to make it happen.  Is Sam Carter that woman?<br/>Warning - explicit content and violence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Captured

SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/Anne/Documents/Jack's%20Hell%20Final%20Docs/Jack's%20Hell%20Chap%201.doc

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author.  The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 

Jack looked at the smarmy snakehead standing across from them and figured they were in deep shit!  Although he looked like a benign and friendly figure on the outside, Jack had gotten a glimpse of the Goa’uld’s eyes.  What he saw frightened him.  Although all Goa’ulds he’d run into were bad, he recognized that this one was pure evil.  He glanced at his team and could feel a trickle of sweat run down his back.  They had to get out of this one and fast!

 

They’d been on a routine mission, simply checking out the next planet on the list he’d input when he’d had the Ancient download.  Supposedly there was nothing too special about this planet, and all the reports had shown it to be uninhabited.

 

Well, that theory had been thrown out pretty quickly when they’d been surrounded by a unit of Jaffa.  They’d put up a fierce fight, killing a number of their attackers, when they were hit by some kind of energy weapon.  The next thing they knew they had all woken up in a cell, their hands manacled behind their backs.

 

“Any idea where we are?” Jack had asked.  He hadn’t recognized the Jaffa.

 

“No”, answered both Daniel and Sam.  Teal’c had simply shook his head.  He had not recognized them either.

 

Very soon after that they had been taken in to see the resident Snakehead.  They had been surrounded by a number of guards and, unfortunately, hadn’t had an opportunity to try and escape.  They were told they were being taken to see Lord Cha’am who, again, no one  had heard of although Daniel was frowning as if trying to recall something.

 

“Well, well, well”, Lord Cha’am walked over to his prisoners, looking them up and down.  He slowly sauntered over to Sam and grabbed her chin.  Moving her head around he peered at her objectively.  “A beautiful one I see.  I expect you’ll make a nice plaything for my Jaffa.” She jerked her head away but he only laughed.   He then moved on to Daniel.

 

“Ah, another fine specimen.  My Jaffa will enjoy you as well.”  Daniel didn’t say anything, he simply stared back at the Goa’uld, who laughed again.   Then their captor glanced briefly at Teal’c but didn’t make a comment.  He didn’t appear to be interested in the Jaffa.

 

Finally he returned to where the Colonel was standing.  This time he stared at the Tauri in front of him, his eyes narrowed.  “You are trouble, I expect.”

 

“I hope so”, answered Jack.

 

“What is your name?”

 

“Uh, you can call me ‘Colonel’”.

 

“Colonel?  Yes, you are trouble.  Oh well, I like a challenge.  However”, he stopped and grinned, “you really _are_ much too old.  I will have to do something about that.”  Jack simply raised his eyebrows and glanced at his companions, not sure what that meant.

 

“Yes, I like them much younger than you although I expect you were beautiful in your youth, were you not?” He looked at Jack as if expecting an answer.  Again the Colonel didn’t know what to think; he’d never been called ‘beautiful’ before.

 

The Goa’uld sighed and reached out as if to touch Jack.  He jerked his head away but two of the Jaffa came and held him.  This time ‘Cha’am’ put his hand on Jack’s face and began to stroke it.  He then moved his hand down to his neck and chest.  The Colonel was unable to move but felt like he wanted to scream.  The touch of the Goa’uld was making him want to crawl out of his skin.

 

“I understand you killed a number of my Jaffa?” the Goa’uld asked softly, still caressing the Colonel.

 

“Uh yeah”, Jack tried to turn his body away.  “But they attacked us first.  It was self-defense.”

 

“Self-defense?  You came to _my_ planet so you are the aggressors, therefore not self-defense.  Unfortunately, you will have to be punished for that”, he said gently.  “I will have to teach you a lesson – but you will soon learn and then you will be happy to serve me.”

 

“I don’t think so!” Jack answered.  He looked again at his team, who all looked back at him with worried eyes.  “Look, why don’t you just let us go?  We promise never to come back.  You can have this planet – really – there’s nothing here for us anyway.”

 

Lord Cha’am smiled gently, his benign face crinkling pleasantly.  “Oh, I _am_ going to enjoy you.”  He turned to one of his servants and spoke.  “Prepare him.  You may take the others and place them in the observation room.  They can watch.” 

 

Jack was grabbed by the arms and forced to follow the little servant.  He looked back at his friends but before he had a chance to speak he was shepherded through the doorway and into a small chamber.

 

Now was his chance, he realized.  There were only two Jaffa and the little servant, who looked relatively harmless.  Without a pause he threw himself into one of his guards and then turned and quickly kicked the other one.  He knew he was at a disadvantage with his hands bound behind his back, but there was no way in hell he was going without a fight.

 

In fact, it turned out that he was doing quite well, neither of the Jaffa having expected resistance.  He almost believed he was going to make it when a sharp pain hit him in the back and then quickly spread through the rest of his body.  Soon, he was writhing on the floor, the agony indescribable.

 

It was so bad he couldn’t breathe and felt all his muscles contract.  Soon he could feel the tears running down his cheeks as he tried, but failed, to hold them back.

 

He lost all track of time as he lay there in agony.  Finally, however, it began to dissipate and he felt like he could breathe again, although his breath came in sobs.  After a few minutes his heaving sobs stopped and he could think again.  He looked around and there were the two Jaffa, and the servant, grinning down at him.  They had enjoyed the spectacle of him writhing in pain.

 

Looking down at himself he was almost surprised to see that he was still there in one piece.  He was shaking from reaction but otherwise seemed to have survived whatever it was.

 

“Like that do you Tauri?” the servant asked.  So much for thinking the man was harmless.  He was obviously the one that had hit him with whatever weapon it was that had done this.  “If you try that again I’ll have to use this”, he held up a small metal cylinder.  “I’m sure you don’t want to experience it another time.”  He turned to the Jaffa.  “Strip him and clean him.”

 

For the next few minutes Jack had to endure the pain and the humiliation of being forcibly stripped by the Jaffa.  They weren’t gentle, enjoying causing as much pain as possible.  In the end they’d sliced his clothes off, cutting him a number of times, although not seriously.

 

When they’d finished he hadn’t looked at them, humiliated by the experience.  They’d laughed again and left him for countless minutes.  When they returned they were each carrying buckets of water, which they poured over him.  He was sure they’d made it as icy cold as possible.  Within seconds he was shivering uncontrollably.

 

“Come”, the servant had returned.  “It is time – we have taken too long already.  Bring him”, he motioned to the Jaffa who’d simply reached down and picked him up under the arms.  They dragged him forward, not even letting him get his feet underneath him in order to walk.

 

He was taken into what looked like some kind of operating room.  In the middle was a large metal table where he was immediately placed.  One of the Jaffa turned him on his side and undid the manacles.  The reprieve was short however, as he was quickly restrained. His arms were pulled over his head and his wrists were again manacled, this time to a bar behind the table.  His legs were then spread and his ankles also manacled to the table.

 

He lay there freezing, feeling incredibly vulnerable.  His heart was racing and he was terrified, although he tried to hide it.  After glancing around the room he noticed a large window on one side.  Looking out he could see his teammates, each chained to a chair and watching him.

 

He tried to give them a reassuring smile, but it came out as a feeble attempt.  They knew, as well as he did, that things were really, really bad.

 

“So, you are all ready I see”, Cha’am had entered the room and was standing beside the table.  “I hear you gave them some trouble and that Mokru had to punish you?”

 

Jack didn’t respond, he just stared up at the ceiling.  Suddenly, a hand grabbed his genitals and squeezed, causing him to cry out in pain.  “When I speak to you, you will answer.  Do you understand me?”  The pressure increased until Jack felt like he was going to be sick.

 

“Yes”, he gasped, just praying for the pain to stop. 

 

“Good”, the Goa’uld let him go but he continued to gasp.  He was seeing spots in front of his eyes.  “Now, tell me again – did you give them trouble?”

 

“Yes”, Jack answered shortly.

 

“Tut, tut, Colonel.  You will have to learn.  I’m afraid that your training may take a long time but it will be worth it in the end.  Now, we must start.”  He motioned to someone and Jack soon saw it was the servant – Mokru he guessed.

 

“You may begin”, Cha’am told his servant.

“But my Lord”, Mokru said, shocked, “surely you wish me to put him to sleep first?  The pain could kill him otherwise.”

 

“No, he needs to be punished.  You will monitor him closely and if it looks like he will die then you can put him under, otherwise let him experience the procedure.”  He laid his hand on Jack’s bare chest and stroked him for a few seconds.  The longer Jack was in contact with this Goa’uld the creepier he seemed.

 

Jack didn’t have any more time to think about anything because Mokru hit a switch and suddenly his world was nothing but pain.  If he had thought the other punishment was bad, well, this was much worse.

 

He couldn’t move very well, chained as he was, but the muscles contracted in his body and he lifted off the table, until only his feet and his shoulders were touching the solid surface.  At first he tried not to scream but soon he was unable to prevent himself.  He could hear himself – the sounds ungodly – but couldn’t stop.

 

Next, he could feel himself lose all control of his bodily functions.  First his bladder released, causing him to urinate all over himself and the room.  Next, it was his bowels and the odor quickly permeated the room.  The pain was so intense that he didn’t even feel the humiliation – that would come later.

 

His teammates watched in horror from outside the room.  All of them had witnessed Goa’uld torture, but none of them had seen anything like this.  The Colonel was practically levitating off the table and his screams and whimpers made them want to cover their ears.  When he lost control of his body they all closed their eyes, feeling his shame and humiliation.

 

The ‘treatment’ went on for what seemed like forever.  None of them knew what it was for but they all feared it would cause some kind of permanent damage to the Colonel.  They couldn’t imagine that it was not harming him seriously.

 

The Colonel himself had lost all touch with reality.  He knew he had gone mad with pain and he no longer even knew who he was, or what manner of being.  His world was nothing but the agony that seared through him.

 

Lord Cha’am watched in pleasure, as did his servant.  Yes, if ‘Colonel’ survived, he would make an excellent toy, thought the Goa’uld.  As he had told his captive, he liked a challenge, and he saw this man as the ultimate one!

 

By the time the ‘treatment’ was finished the rest of Sg1 were all feeling sick.  Daniel had actually thrown up, unable to bear the sight of his friend in such agony.  Sam could feel the tears running down her face and had closed her eyes, unable to watch any longer.  Teal’c simply had a frozen look on his face.  If Cha’am had read his mind at that moment, he would have instantly had Teal’c killed – for the Jaffa vowed to remove this Goa’uld forever from the universe.

 

The machine was turned off and Jack lay there, limp and almost unconscious.  The fact that he hadn’t passed out surprised him.  He was shocked that he had been able to withstand such pain and stay conscious. 

 

As his quivering body settled, and his whimpers slowly died out he began to notice the smell.  Glancing down at himself he shut his eyes, completely and absolutely shamed.  Not only had they made this happen, it had been in front of his friends.  He didn’t know how he was ever going to look them in the eye after this.

 

“So Colonel”, the dreaded voice interrupted his thoughts.  “I hope you have learned your lesson?”  He wasn’t going to answer but then he remembered what had happened the last time.  He opened his eyes and looked into the smiling face of the Goa’uld.  He shook his head a bit, unable to actually speak.

 

“No? Well then, we’ll have to repeat your punishment a few times, will we?”  At that Jack shook his head again – he couldn’t handle another time.

 

“Well, I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave you for awhile Colonel.  You see, the smell in here - ” he stopped and grinned.  “And anyway, we need to leave time for the procedure to work.  It’ll take a few days, and longer for your hair to change, but we should start noticing something soon.  In the meantime, I suggest you lie here and – enjoy!”  The Goa’uld laughed and then walked out of the room

 

Jack was left lying, naked and in his own filth.  He closed his eyes – life could not get any worse!

 

It was hours later before anyone came back to check on him.  By this time he’d dozed, off and on, although he was freezing and uncomfortable, lying as he was on the cold metal table.  The filth that covered him was also causing his skin to burn – he figured he’d have a pretty bad rash after this.

 

The Jaffa who walked in instantly laughed.  They were all holding cloths up to their faces, obviously knowing what had happened.  One of them walked over to what looked like a sink and attached a long hose to a sort of faucet.  He then returned to the table and, nodding to one of his companions, he pointed the hose at Jack. 

 

The other Jaffa must have been controlling the water because almost instantly a strong stream of scalding water came out of the hose.  The Jaffa then enjoyed himself by cleaning Jack from head to toe.  The water was too hot, and Jack knew it was probably burning him although he was relieved to get the muck off of himself. 

 

The Jaffa seemed to be having a great time sticking the hose up to Jack’s mouth and nose, causing him to choke a few times, as well as in various other ‘nooks and crannies’.    He spent quite a bit of time cleaning Jack’s groin, which at first wasn’t surprising but after a while Jack realized it was mostly for fun now that he was clean.

 

Suddenly, the water turned icy but the Jaffa continued to bathe him.  Before long he was shivering once more.  The Jaffa next decided to have fun by sticking the hose in Jack’s mouth.  His companion turned down the flow so it wasn’t so strong and then walked over and held Jack’s nose closed with his finger and thumb.  The other man held his jaw closed tight over the hose and the water quickly filled his mouth.

 

He knew he was going to die from suffocation or drowning unless he swallowed the water.  He gulped as fast as he could although much of it ran out the sides of his mouth.  Every once in awhile they’d remove the hose and allowed him to breath, but then they’d put it back in, forcing him to drink.

 

This went on for a long time and he was afraid he wasn’t going to be able to continue for much longer.  He was starting to feel faint from lack of air and was nauseous from drinking so much.  Worse than both was the fact that his stomach was getting dangerously distended.  He knew that much longer and it would burst.

 

Finally, the Jaffa stopped their game and turned off the hose.   Jack turned his head, knowing he was going to be sick, and grateful for that fact.  He needed to empty his swollen stomach.  Unfortunately, before he had the chance, one of the Jaffa stuffed a rag in his mouth.

 

“There!” he laughed as did the others.  “We wouldn’t want you to lose all that precious water.”  They all walked to the door but looked back at the pathetic sight of the prisoner who lay there.  He was pasty white and shivering – and his stomach looked like he was pregnant.  One of the Jaffa walked back to him and looked him in the face.

 

“If you think this is bad – just wait.  It will only get worse when Lord Cha’am is ready for you!”  With another laugh he turned and followed his companions out of the room.

 

Jack lay there as the tears streamed down his face.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Torment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The torment begins for Jack

SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/Anne/Documents/Jack's%20Hell%20Final%20Docs/Jack's%20Hell%20Chap%202.doc

It was only a couple of minutes before Mokru returned but to Jack it felt like hours.  He was in terrible pain but couldn’t do anything.  He was still chained to the table and the rag in his mouth was keeping him from getting rid of the water.  He knew if he was left too long he could die from too much liquid in his system.

 

He was thankful, therefore, when the servant returned.  He first undid his hands and then his feet.  Finally, he pulled the rag out from him mouth.  Jack was so weak all he could do was turn his head and begin to vomit over the side of the table.  It seemed to go on forever but the relief was immense.  His stomach still hurt and the rest of him ached horribly but at least he no longer felt like he was going to explode.

 

At one point, when he’d stopped heaving for a couple of seconds, he looked up and was relieved that his friends were no longer in the other room.  He didn’t know when they’d been removed; he just hoped it had been before the Jaffa had decided to ‘play’ with him.

 

“Put these on.” Mokru’s voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked up and saw that the little servant was holding some clothes.  He took them with shaking hands, wanting to cover himself.  It took him a while but he eventually was able to pull up the loose cotton pants.  They tied at the waste but he was shaking so badly Mokru knocked his hands away and tied them for him.

 

He then put on the shirt, which, like the pants, simply tied around him.  He was still freezing cold and the clothes didn’t actually give any warmth but psychologically they helped.

 

“Come”, Mokru jerked his head towards the door which Jack took to mean he was to leave.  The only problem was he really didn’t think he could walk.  With a loud sigh of frustration, the servant stuck his head out the door and called to someone.  Shortly thereafter two Jaffa entered.  They immediately walked up to Jack and draped his arms over their shoulders and proceeded out of the room.

 

He hated the fact that he was so weak but knew there was nothing he could do.  All he could think about was whether or not his friends were okay.  He was soon to find out.  After a short walk the Jaffa brought him to a cell which Mokru unlocked and the Jaffa threw him in.  Fortunately Teal’c had quick reflexes otherwise he would have crashed onto the hard floor.  Instead his friend caught him and held him close.  The door clanged shut and they were alone.

 

“Are you okay Jack?” Daniel rushed up to where Teal’c was gently laying him down.  He didn’t know if he could answer so he tried to nod, although he figured even that was pretty pathetic.  He rolled over to the side and curled his legs until he was in a fetal position.  He was so cold, so cold and so incredibly weak.  He hated it.

 

“Colonel?” a soft voice interrupted his musings.  He felt a warm hand touch his forehead and he closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the gentle caress.

 

  
”He doesn’t have a fever and I don’t see any blood.  I think he’s okay.” Sam’s voice sounded so worried.  He wished he could reassure her but in reality he didn’t know if he _was_ okay.  He felt – off – somehow.  There was something different but he didn’t know what it was.  Hopefully it was just the aftermath of the little torture session.

 

Soon he drifted off to sleep, beyond exhausted.  He prayed that when he woke up he’d be back in the Infirmary.  Even Janet and her needles sounded good right now.

 

“Do you really think he’s okay Sam?” Daniel whispered.   O’Neill looked incredibly pale, with dark circles under his eyes.  They had had to watch him being tortured and all of them were feeling sick and weak themselves.  They’d been taken out of the room as soon as the Jaffa had entered with the hose so they didn’t know if anything more had been done to him.

 

“I don’t know Daniel”, she answered, equally as quietly.  “I can’t find anything.  He looks like he’s cold and maybe in shock but I don’t see any wounds.”

 

“What do you think they did to him?”

 

“I don’t _know_ Daniel.  How am I supposed to figure that out?” she asked angrily.  Why did her teammates always think she had all the answers?  “I just don’t know.”

 

“I’m sorry Sam.  I’m just worried about him.”

 

She sighed.  “I know Daniel – I’m sorry too.  I just wish I knew what it was they were doing to him.  It was so awful!”

 

“I will kill the him Major Carter”, Teal’c said softly.  The gentleness of his voice made her shiver.  Both she and Daniel knew that Teal’c had just promised to kill Chaam and they knew he was absolutely serious.  She didn’t want to be in the Goa’uld’s shoes.  Teal’c had made a vow and would do everything in his power to carry it out.

 

“It’s my turn first, Teal’c!” Daniel hissed.  Sam looked at him in surprise.  It wasn’t very often that Daniel was quite so – bloodthirsty.

 

“What are we going to do now?” Daniel finally asked.

 

“We need to warm him up.  After that, I don’t know.  We can’t get out of here – at least not now.”  With that she sidled up to the Colonel, trying to straighten his legs.  She then wrapped her arms and legs around him.  Daniel nodded and then lay down behind Jack and did the same.

 

“Teal’c, you watch out okay?” Sam murmured.  He simply nodded.  He would protect his friends to the death.

 

It was almost 12 hours before the Colonel woke up and when he did he was still slightly groggy.  Even after he’d woken up he seemed too quiet and he wouldn’t look any one in the eye.  His teammates all looked at each other with worried expressions.  This really wasn’t like their commander.

 

“Jack”, Daniel sat beside him and reached out and touched his knee.

 

“What!”

 

“We’re worried Jack.  We just want to make sure you’re okay.”  There was silence for a while but finally O’Neill looked up.  He had a wounded look in his eyes but then they saw a small grin form.  They all knew it was his attempt to make _them_ feel better but at least he was still thinking about them;  he was still in there.

 

“I’m fine Danny.  Just a little – tired.” 

 

“Would you like a glass of water?” Sam asked.  They were all surprised when he shivered and then shook his head violently.

 

“No, no water!”

 

“But Sir - ”

 

“I said NO Major.  Is there something in that that you don’t understand!”

 

“Hey Jack, come on.  She’s just trying to help.”

 

After a slight pause Jack spoke.  “I’m sorry Carter.  I just – I’m just not thirsty.”

 

“All right Sir.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to but you - ”

 

“It’s not you Major.  I’m still a bit – woozy is all.”  He looked at his friends, knowing that they were all worried for him.  The problem was, he really couldn’t reassure them.  He was pretty worried himself and he didn’t see a way out of their present predicament.

 

“So, any way out of here?” he asked, hoping to change the subject.

 

“Not that we could find Sir”, Sam answered.  “We’ve checked everything.  I think we’ll have to wait for an opportunity when the Jaffa or Chaam come back.”

 

He dropped his head back against the wall.  He was pretty sure the Goa’uld was pretty wily and wasn’t going to let down his guard.  “Carter, any idea what that – machine does?”  He really, really didn’t want to talk about it but figured he should know what it had done.

 

“I don’t know Colonel”, she answered, looking guilty.  “I’ve never seen anything like it before.”  She bit her lip and looked down.  After a couple of seconds she spoke.  “I’m sorry Sir.”

 

“Sorry?  What for?” he asked, puzzled.

 

“That you had to go through that.”

 

He could feel himself start to turn red, thinking of the pain and humiliation.  But he knew she meant it sincerely and he shouldn’t let it bother him so much.  With a small grin he reached out and put his finger under her chin and lifted her face until she was looking at him.  “Hey, it’s okay.  It’s all over and we’re safe and sound.”  She gave a shaky smile in return.

 

It wasn’t until the next day that they started to notice the changes.  Not surprisingly, it was Sam who first noticed them.  They’d been pretty much left alone except for the food and water that was brought a couple times a day.  No one spoke to them and they weren’t harassed.  Jack was sure that wasn’t a good thing.

 

As it was, they were sitting talking when Sam suddenly stopped.  She frowned and tilted her head.  He looked back at her, puzzled. 

 

“What is it?” he asked softly.

 

“It’s – I may be just imagining this Sir but – you look different.”

 

“Different?” he asked, confused.  “How am I ‘different’?”

 

“Well”, she turned to Teal’c and Daniel.  “Is it just me or does he look – I don’t know – rested or something?”

 

Both the men studied him intently.  It was Teal’c who finally spoke.  “You look younger O’Neill”, he said bluntly.

 

“Younger?”

 

“Yeah, he’s right Jack, you do.  You look a good ten years younger.”  The archeologist was shocked that it had taken them this long to notice, although they’d been with him the whole time so in a sense it wasn’t surprising.

 

“I doubt it Daniel.” Jack scoffed.

 

“No, they’re right Sir.  You do look younger.  In fact”, she leaned over and looked at his hair.  “If I’m not mistaken, your hair is growing in brown.”

 

“What!” he reached his hand up and rubbed it through his gray hair.  “You guys are crazy.  We’ve just been stuck here too long.”

 

“I think it was the machine, Sir”, Carter said quietly.  “That must have been what Chaam meant.  It was some kind of ‘de-aging’ machine.”

 

“Come on!” Jack sputtered.  “That’s ridiculous!”

 

“Is it Jack?  Look at Nirti and the stuff she was doing.  Is this any crazier than that?  And look around.  Since we’ve been here have any of you seen anyone older than in their early 20’s?”

 

“Yeah – Makru.  He’s ancient.”

 

“Makru?” they asked.  They hadn’t heard anyone’s name but the Goa’uld.

 

“The little creepy servant/scientist.  He isn’t young.”

 

“No, but everyone else is.”

 

“Since we’ve mainly seen Jaffa I don’t think that counts.”

 

Daniel sighed in frustration.  “Look Jack, no matter what you say, we can all see it.  You’re getting younger.”

 

Over the next few days even Jack had to admit that they were right.  Although he didn’t have a mirror and couldn’t see what they were seeing, he was able to look at his body and he could definitely tell it was looking younger and stronger.  Besides that, he started to _feel_ stronger.  His energy level was up, the aches and pains he’d accrued over the years were gone and his knees felt as healthy as they had when he was a kid.  As freaked out as he was by the whole thing he had to admit to himself that physically he was sort of enjoying his youthful body.

 

Emotionally however was another matter.  Somehow he had a very bad feeling about this whole thing and was expecting things to hit the fan any day now.  They’d been in the cell for almost two weeks and he figured he was about as young as he was going to get – otherwise he’d have to start shrinking.  Daniel and Sam estimated his age to be about 21 – which was around the time he’d stopped growing.

 

“I don’t expect you can get any younger”, Sam had theorized.  “Whatever they did to you must regenerate the cells.  For you to get younger your bones and everything would have to shrink and I expect that’s too much even for this Goa’uld.”

 

“Well, that’s one piece of good news”, Jack joked (although he didn’t feel particularly happy).  “I’d hate to end up back in diapers.  And I sure as hell don’t want to go through puberty again!”

It was the next day that they came for him.  Somehow he wasn’t surprised.  The others tried to stop them but were immediately struck down by some kind of energy weapon.  His friendly neighborhood Jaffa came and collected him.

 

“So”, the big one laughed, “now you will get to see what more Lord Chaam has in store for you.  I hope you are prepared?”

 

Okay, that sure didn’t sound good, thought Jack.  He worked hard to appear unconcerned but inside his stomach was churning.

 

“Ah”, Jack heard the detested Goa’uld sigh in pleasure as he was marched into what looked like Chaam’s personal quarters.  “I was right Colonel.  You are beautiful.”

 

“What do you want?” Jack asked straight out.  He wasn’t in the mood even for his own sarcasm.

 

“Why Colonel.  I thought that was obvious.  I want you.”

 

“What?” Jack asked, puzzled.

 

“You.  I told you, you are a beautiful man and I find myself – _desiring_ you.”

 

Jack looked at him, feeling faint with horror.  He couldn’t possibly mean?  No – no way!  Never as long as he lived!

 

“No.” he said simply and emphatically.  “Over my dead body!”

 

“Oh, it’s not your _dead_ body I want Colonel, believe me!”, Chaam laughed and O’Neill was sure he was going to throw up.  He couldn’t believe this was happening.  

 

“Colonel, I promise, you will give yourself to me – freely.”

 

“Nope, ain’t gonna happen!” he spit out.  He tried to pull away from the Jaffa holding him but it was no use.  They were much too strong.

 

Chaam snapped his fingers and a curtain opened on one wall of the room.  There was some kind of a monitor there, which, at present, was blank.  The Goa’uld said something to one of his Jaffa in a language he couldn’t understand (he assumed it was Goa’uld) and the man spoke into a control panel.  Almost instantly the monitor came to life.

 

What Jack saw made his heart drop into his stomach.   Sam had been taken from the cell and was now being held in a room with four Jaffa.  Two of them held her even though she was attempting to fight.  He could see she was having as much luck as was he in getting away from her captors.

 

The Goa’uld nodded and the Jaffa said something, again Jack couldn’t understand the words, but he instantly saw the result.

 

One of the Jaffa – not one of the one’s holding Sam – walked up to her and ripped her shirt open.  He then started to paw her naked breasts.  She fought hard but he simply laughed as the others held her.

 

The Jaffa pinched and twisted her nipples as hard as he could and Jack could see the tears begin to fall down her cheeks.

 

“STOP!” he yelled.  “Please, stop.”  Instantly Chaam nodded and the command was given.  The Jaffa with Sam stopped his assault.

 

“There” Chaam looked at him and smiled.  “If you do not do as I ask I’m afraid the woman will suffer.”

 

“Oh God”, Jack muttered.  He couldn’t do this. He really couldn’t.  He shook his head, a tiny bit, and instantly the assault started on Sam.

 

“Okay, Okay!” he said frantically although he was finding it hard to catch his breath.  He didn’t ever remember being so horrified or so frightened in his life.  “Why are you doing this?” he asked Chaam.  “You have to know that I don’t – that I – that I – can’t.   You must know that I’ll hate every minute –”, he couldn’t go on.

 

Lord Chaam grinned, as did the Jaffa in the room with them.  “But don’t you see?” he asked, “That will make it even better.  You think yourself a strong man – you are arrogant and sure of yourself.  But now – now you have to give yourself to me just as if you were a weak woman.”

 

Jack could feel his knees begin to give way.  He was being held up by the Jaffa who were obviously enjoying the whole thing.

 

“Oh, and if you think of attacking me – my Jaffa over there”, he pointed to the far corner of the room.  “has instructions to immediately tell the ones with the woman to take turns raping her as violently and painfully as possible.  They will then start on the young man.”

 

Jack looked up, his lips dry and his heart racing.  Did that mean the Jaffa would stay and _watch?_   God, it couldn’t get worse.

 

“Release him”, Chaam instructed the Jaffa.  They instantly let go and Jack sank to his knees.  “Stand up!” the Goa’uld commanded.  “Stand up and come here.  I want you to kiss me.”

 

Jack paused, unsure if he could move, but then he heard Sam scream.  He instantly pushed himself to his feet and stumbled over to the Goa’uld. He stood in front of him and closed his eyes and said a prayer, something he hadn’t done in years – at least since Charlie – no!  He stopped himself.  He refused to even think of his son right now.  His son’s memory had no place in this horror story.

 

“Well, I’m waiting Colonel.  Or shall I instruct my men - ?” he pointed towards the monitor.  With a shaky breath Jack leaned forward and brushed his lips against the Goa’uld’s and immediately backed away.

 

“Colonel!  I am losing my patience.”  He called the Jaffa over and they grabbed him and turned him toward the monitor.  He then signaled to the one who was relaying his commands.  Jack was then forced to watch as the two Jaffa not holding Sam walked up to her and together ripped off her pants.  One of them began fondling her.  He then took two of his fingers and jabbed them into her vagina and began to roughly assault her.  She cried out in horror.

 

Jack begged Chaam to stop what was happening but the Goa’uld just laughed.  “No Colonel, you have to learn.  When I tell you to give yourself freely I mean it – not only freely but with passion.”  He turned back to where the assault went on.  The second Jaffa had walked up behind Sam and began to finger-rape her in the anus.  By this time she’d collapsed and only the Jaffa were holding her up.  Tears covered her face and she was whimpering.

 

“Enough”, Chaam finally called.  Instantly the assault stopped.  “Lay her on the bed and cover her with a blanket.  He turned to O’Neill.  “That is just the beginning if you do not cooperate.  She will, however, be left alone if you please me.  It is your decision.”

 

The Goa’uld looked at him, not moving, giving him a chance to decide.  With a small sigh he knew he had no choice.  God help him – he didn’t know if he would survive this.  He had always been prepared to lay his life down for any of his friends but this – this was much worse.  This was giving up his soul.

 

He nodded briefly and walked up the to Goa’uld.  “What do you want?” he asked.  He was proud of the fact that his voice didn’t shake, although inside he was a quivering mass of terror.

 

“Take off your clothes.”  Again Jack nodded and simply removed his shirt and then went to untie his pants.  Lord Chaam reached out and stopped him.

 

“Let me”, he said softly.  He reached over and slowly pulled the tie and watched as Jack’s pants fell around his ankles.  He smiled and looked at his prisoner – and his soon to be lover.

 

“Lie down.” He motioned to the bed, which was the predominant piece of furniture in the room.  Jack turned and walked to the bed.  He then sat and finally lay down on his back.  A small part of him – a very small part – laughed at the picture he must present.  He must look like some Victorian virgin.

 

Lord Chaam walked over and looked at Jack, letting his eyes roam over every part of him.  O’Neill went to close his eyes but the other man spoke.

 

“No, you may not close your eyes.  They are to remain open always.  I want you to see everything.  I want you to know exactly who you are with.”  Jack wanted to sob – the one thing, the one bit of protection he thought he’d have, was to be taken away.  Not only was he going to have to remember the feel of this man – he’d have the visual memories etched into his brain.

 

Chaam then began to remove his robes.  He forced Jack to watch everything and to look at him just the way he’d observed Jack.  “What do you think my lover?” he asked, showing the other man his huge erection.  All Jack could do was wonder what Chaam would do if he vomited on it.  He knew Sam would pay the price so he simply swallowed and didn’t speak.

 

Without saying anything the other man climbed up on the bed.  Jack glanced over his shoulder only to see the four Jaffa in the room avidly watching everything that was going on.

 

“Now, let us see how well you do?” Chaam lay down and waited.  Jack wasn’t sure what to do but knew he didn’t have long before they decided to attack Sam again.  He was afraid that each time would get worse for her so he moved over until he was barely touching the sick SOB.  Trying to lick his dry lips he took a deep breath and rolled on his side.  He then pushed himself up on one arm and leaned over.  He desperately wanted to close his eyes but Chaam was looking at him, almost as if daring him to try.

 

“Oh God” he breathed as he leaned in and kissed the Goa’uld.  He gave it all he had although it was hard not to throw up.  As soon as the other man’s tongue entered his mouth he made a deep sobbing sound.  He didn’t think he could do this.

 

Suddenly the other man moved and flipped him over so that he was lying on his back with the Goa’uld over top of him.  Chaam then started kissing and licking him all over, all the while grasping his genitals in his hand.  He began trying to jerk him off but thankfully, nothing happened.

 

“We’ll have to change that”, Chaam murmured as he bit Jack’s ear.  He then trailed his tongue down the side of his face and began to lick his lips, his cheeks and even his eyes.

 

It went on forever and Jack was shaking badly, just wishing it was over, but sure it was only going to get much worse.  When Chaam finally stopped and rolled off of him he figured this was it.  He was right.

 

“Get on your hands and knees.”

 

“Please no”, he begged.  “Please don’t do this.” He never ever thought that he’d stoop to begging to a Goa’uld but right now he would give anything, do anything, to make this stop.

 

“I said, on your knees – unless you’d like the woman to change places with you?”

 

“No”, he whispered.  With a small sob he forced himself to turn over and push himself up.  He didn’t think he could stay this way for long as his arms had no strength in them.

 

“Put your forehead on the bed.”  Without thought – he refused to think anymore, he simply did what he was told – he laid his forehead down, his arms curled around in front of his head on the mattress.

 

Nothing happened for a while and the waiting was worse than anything.  He was almost sobbing by this time – just get it over with, he thought.  As if in answer to his thoughts he felt a knee push his legs apart.  The next thing he knew there were hands – hands feeling his buttocks.

 

Chaam then simply spread him open and again there was a pause.  “You are beautiful Colonel and soon you are mine.”  Jack wanted to turn and fight.  He wanted to kill this evil piece of shit but instead – instead he had to kneel with his ass in the air, waiting to be raped.

 

A finger suddenly stabbed into him, causing him to yelp in pain.  For a few seconds Chaam worked his finger violently in and out.  Before long he’d moved to two fingers and then to three.  Jack whimpered in pain and humiliation.

 

“Do you like that my beautiful one?” When Jack didn’t answer Chaam forced his fingers in even more violently.  “I said, do you like that?”

 

“No”, Jack gasped.  “Please – stop – you’re hurting me.”

 

Chaam laughed.  “Oh, I’m afraid this is nothing my love.  You are a virgin so I’m afraid there’s much more pain in store for you.”  He pulled out his fingers and wiped them on Jack’s back.  He then took his hands and spread his ass even more.

 

The next thing O’Neill felt was something warm and wet rubbing against his anus.  God – no.  Without warning Chaam began to push into him, all his weight on the one point.

 

Jack groaned as the muscle gave way and the Goa’uld suddenly thrust his huge erection violently inside him.  He felt burning pain as he was practically split in two.  Chaam thrust in farther and then stopped and withdrew, almost to the point of pulling out completely.  Thrust – this time farther in.  The passage was dry and Jack could feel himself tear.  The burning agony was indescribable. 

 

For the next few minutes Chaam continued to thrust in and out sadistically – moving at a different angle each time, causing the tender flesh to rip and tear.  Soon, Jack could feel some lubrication but he was pretty sure it was his own blood.  The Goa’uld was now pushing right to the hilt, his balls knocking against Jack’s backside.

 

“NO!” he kept crying, all the while the rape went on.  “No, stop, please.  Please.”, but Chaam simply laughed and kept up with the brutal assault.

 

At one point Jack was sure he also heard laughter and comments from the Jaffa although he had begun to lose touch with reality.  The violence of the rape was causing him to lose consciousness – both from the pain and the horror. 

 

Suddenly, he heard Chaam grunt and push himself even more deeply inside of him.  He could feel the Goa’uld ride out his release as he emptied his seed inside Jack.  He groaned as well – but in horror, not in pleasure.

 

Finally the man pulled out of him and he collapsed on the bed, tears running down his face.  He’d survived, but barely.  The problem was he didn’t think he would ever recover after what had just happened.  He knew he was a broken man.

 

“There”, he felt a slap on his ass.  “Wasn’t that good?”  Chaam walked over and grabbed his chin and forced him to look at him.  “You have a nice ass Colonel.  I enjoyed it greatly.  We’ll have many more times to enjoy each other.”

 

“No”, Jack choked softly.  “No”

 

“Oh yes.  You’re mine until I tire of you – then I’ll give you to my Jaffa to enjoy.  By that time you’ll be well – broken in”, Chaam laughed loudly, enjoying the sight of the bloody and bruised man in front of him.  “I will see you soon Colonel.  Next time maybe we’ll try something a little different.”  With that the Goa’uld got dressed and left the room.

 

The Jaffa only allowed him to lie there for a few seconds before he was roughly grabbed and was forced to stand.  At one point they made him lean over the bed and they ‘admired’ his used backside.  That was the last straw.  He fell to the floor and began to vomit.  He kept it up for the longest time, unable to stop.  Soon there was nothing left and he was reduced to dry heaves.  At that point the Jaffa grabbed him and forced him to stand again.  They indicated a basin of water and he stumbled his way over to it.  Taking the cloth that was there he attempted to clean himself but he was so weak and shaky – and in pain – that he had a difficult time.  Still, he desperately needed to get the smell and feel off of him.  He also knew he was bleeding pretty badly from his anus – as well there was semen leaking down his legs the sight of which started him heaving again.

 

When he was as clean as he could make himself the Jaffa threw his clothes at him.  He managed to pull the pants up and then put on the shirt.  Laughing, they made him walk in front of them out the room.

 

It was difficult for him to walk as he was hurting so badly.  He was half leaning over and wondered, briefly, if he was seriously injured.  He knew that if his bowel had been perforated he was in big trouble.

 

They finally made it back to the cell, which the Jaffa opened and he was again pushed inside, the door clanging closed behind him.  With a soft whimper he fell to the ground, curled up tightly.  He ignored the cries of Daniel and Teal’c.  He idly wondered where Carter was – forgetting, in his agony, that she had been taken and abused as well.

 

Carter had, in fact, been returned before him.  She was curled up, as well, in the corner of the cell covered by a blanket.  Daniel and Teal’c were worried about her.  When she’d returned she was in tears and her clothing had been torn.  She had been unable to say much although the men were pretty sure from looking at her that she’d been raped.  They both felt so helpless and angry – although they’d felt a tiny bit better when she claimed they’d stopped their attack after a few short moments.  She’d definitely been sexually assaulted, but she said it wasn’t ‘true rape’ – her words.  Neither man knew quite what to make of that.

 

Now, of course, they had Jack to deal with.  He’d returned looking as bad, if not worse, than Sam.  They hadn’t seen any wounds on him although his face looked wet, as if he’d been crying.  He was also curled into a ball with his arms wrapped around his abdomen.  Daniel and Teal’c were very worried.

 

At one point they were able to give Jack something to drink although he wouldn’t talk to them or look at them.  When Daniel had reached out and touched his arm he jerked away violently and had made a strange, sobbing sound. 

 

The Colonel had been back for a while before Daniel noticed something odd.  Moving closer he looked at the back of Jack’s pants.  What he saw horrified him.  There was blood on them.  He looked up at Teal’c, sickened, and motioned to his friend.

 

“What is it Daniel Jackson?’ Teal’c asked softly.

 

“It’s Jack”, he answered in a strangled voice.

 

“What about him?” Teal’c replied.

 

“I think – I think he’s been raped.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. In Hell

SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/Anne/Documents/Jack's%20Hell%20Final%20Docs/Jack's%20Hell%20Chap%203.doc

“Major Carter, are you okay?” Teal’c knelt down beside Sam as she stirred.  She slowly opened her eyes and immediately remembered what had happened.  She had to stop herself from crying.  She felt, dirty –used.  It took her a second before she realized that someone had spoken to her.  When she glanced up she could see Teal’c sitting there, looking concerned.

 

“Major Carter?” he said again.

 

“Teal’c”, she answered, although it came out as a croak.  He quickly offered her a drink of water, which she took gratefully.  “What happened?”

 

“You have been back for some time, sleeping.  While you were resting they returned with O’Neill.”  The way he said it instantly made her worry.

 

“How is he?” she reached out and grabbed Teal’c’s arm.

 

“He is not well.  He has been injured.”

 

“Oh God.  Let me take a look.” She rolled over and went to stand up but fell back down, dizzy and weak.  She didn’t know what was wrong with her.  Although the experience had been horrible – she didn’t even want to think about it – she knew she hadn’t really been hurt physically, at least not that badly.  Oh, she was sore but she was pretty sure she wasn’t even bleeding.

 

“You must rest Major Carter.  You have been through a difficult time.”

 

“But the Colonel.  I have to help him.”

 

Teal’c was torn.  He knew that the Major had the most first aid experience, but he also knew that O’Neill would not want her to see him in the state he was in.

 

“Daniel Jackson is with him.  He will be fine for now.” He made Sam lie down and sat with her as she drifted in and out of sleep.

 

Actually, Jack wasn’t fine.  Daniel was quite worried because it was obvious Jack was continuing to bleed.  He’d long since passed out but a small amount of blood was pooling on the floor.  He didn’t know what to do.

 

“Teal’c”, he called softly.  “I need some help here.”  Teal’c stood up, with a last look at Carter, and walked over.

 

“What is it Daniel Jackson?”

 

“He’s continuing to bleed and I don’t know what to do.  I think we need Sam.”

 

“I do not believe O’Neill would want her to see him.”

 

Daniel nodded, agreeing with Teal’c.  Jack would hate it.  However, that wasn’t the most important thing right now.  He was more afraid that his friend would bleed to death if they didn’t do something.  “Just ask her what we should do.  I can handle it.”

 

“That will mean we will have to tell her what has happened.”

 

“Yeah, although I don’t think we can hide it anyway.”

 

“No, you are most likely correct.”  With a small nod Teal’c turned and walked back to Sam.  As he sat beside her he saw that she was awake, although she looked like she was still slightly in shock.

 

“They touched me Teal’c”, she whispered.  “They ripped my clothes off and – stuck their fingers in me.  I thought they were going to rape me but they suddenly stopped.  I don’t know why – I don’t know what happened.  Teal’c why did they do that?”

 

Teal’c sighed, hating what had been done to his friends.  He had never seen Major Carter in such a state and wished there was something he could do.  He reached out and gently put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eye.

 

“I do not know Major Carter, but I do know that we are here for you.  You are strong and you will get through this.”  As she let out a small whimper he reached forward and put his arms around her.  She collapsed into him and sobbed out her fear and horror.

 

“Thank you Teal’c”, she murmured as she finally pulled back.  She wiped her eyes with the back of her arm and attempted a shaky smile.

 

“Major Carter”, Teal’c said softly.  “We need your help.”

 

“What?  What is it?” she looked over to where Daniel sat beside Jack.  “It’s the Colonel isn’t it?  Oh God, and here I am feeling sorry for myself.  What’s wrong?  What happened to him?”  She sat up and this time was able to make her way to her feet.  As she went to walk over Teal’c stopped her.

 

“No, you must stay here.”

 

“Why?  Let me go Teal’c!  I need to help Colonel O’Neill.”

 

“And you shall but only by instructing Daniel what he must do.  O’Neill would not wish you to see him.”

 

“What?  What the hell are you talking about?”  She was getting angry but was also starting to feel sick with worry.  What was wrong?

 

“Major – I must inform you that we believe O’Neill was – raped.  He is bleeding and Daniel Jackson does not know what to do.”

 

Oh God!  She collapsed onto her knees and began to throw up.  The horror of what had happened to her and now this – she didn’t think she could handle it. 

 

“Noooo” she cried as soon as she stopped vomiting.  She looked over to Jack and then began to heave some more, but there was nothing left in her stomach.  It was Daniel’s worried voice that finally calmed her down.

 

“Sam, I need your help.”  She had to pull herself together for the Colonel’s sake.

 

“Okay Daniel”, she sobbed in a shaky voice.  Her breath hitched as she tried to calm her racing heart.  Teal’c handed her a glass of water, which she gulped down.  “Tell me – how is he?”

 

“He’s sleeping, I think, although he might be unconscious.  I haven’t – looked but I can tell from his clothes that he’s still bleeding.”

 

“Can you see any other wounds?”

 

He looked closely but as far as he could see there was nothing.  It was rather strange, he thought.  He was positive Jack would have fought his attacker or attackers – either that or he’d been bound – but there were no marks anywhere that he could see.  He quickly glanced at his wrists but they were unmarked.

 

“No, nothing.”

 

“You’re going to have to look closer Daniel.” He knew what she meant but he began to feel ill when he realized what he had to do.  God, he prayed Jack didn’t wake up.

 

“Daniel”, Jack’s voice interrupted him.  Damn, so much for that hope!

 

“Jack, we need to check you out.”

 

“No”, he said softly.  “I don’t – I -”

 

“Jack, you’re bleeding.  We have to help you.”  

 

“Carter?” he cried suddenly.  “Where is Carter?  Is she okay?”  He began to look around frantically.  He didn’t quite know why, still too groggy from his ordeal, but he somehow knew he had to protect her.

 

“She is fine O’Neill.  She is with Teal’c, over there.”  O’Neill whipped his head around until he could see his Second.  Convinced, finally, that she was all right he lowered his head and shut his eyes.

“We need to check you out Jack.  You’re bleeding”, Daniel repeated again.

 

O’Neill just shook his head, refusing to look at his friend.  Now that he’d woken up more fully he remembered everything and he wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.  He couldn’t stop the visions in his head – he could still smell and taste and _feel_ Cha’am.  He felt, soiled – and he knew he would never, ever be clean again.  He couldn’t bear the thought of his friends seeing what had been done to him; especially not Sam.

 

“Jack, please”, Daniel begged softly.  After a long pause, the Colonel gave a tiny nod.

 

“Not Sam”, he whispered.

 

“Don’t worry Jack.  She’s not coming over.”  Daniel looked up at Teal’c, not knowing what to do next. 

 

“O’Neill”, Teal’c had walked over and squatted down beside the Colonel.  “Would you like me to be the one to help you?” A small nod and Teal’c looked up at Daniel.  “I will handle this – you go be with Major Carter.”

 

“If you’re sure?” Daniel asked, although he was relieved.  He wasn’t sure how well he could handle this.

 

“I am sure.”  Teal’c waited until Daniel was gone and turned back to O’Neill.  “You must trust me my friend.  I will try not to hurt you.  You have been wounded and there is nothing to be ashamed of.  You did nothing to deserve this.”

 

Oh God, if they only knew, thought Jack.  He hadn’t fought, he’d allowed, no, he’d _cooperated_ in his own rape.  He’d actually kneeled and allowed Cha’am to – he wanted to be sick.”

 

He felt Teal’c’s hand touch his arm and he jerked violently away.  “Noooo” he cried.  “Please!” all he could remember were the hands that did things to him – things he could never forget.”

 

“Trust me”, his friend, his brother, said quietly.  Jack took a deep breath and again nodded.  Yes, he could do this.  “Do you wish to remove your pants or do you need help.” Teal’c was speaking softly and at least was giving him the choice.   He reached down, and with very unsteady hands, pulled the ties and pushed down on the waist of his pants.

 

He was too weak and in too much pain to complete the task so Teal’c gently took over, careful not to touch him.  When his pants were all the way down the Jaffa slowly looked over his friend.

 

What he saw sickened him.  O’Neill’s back and buttocks were bruised and covered with blood.  He could see more blood, and what were clearly other fluids, on his thighs.

 

“I am going to get a basin of water and a cloth and I will clean you up a bit, my friend.  Do not worry, I will return.”  He pulled the blanket over the Colonel while he retrieved what he would need.

 

For the next few minutes he gently bathed O’Neill’s legs.  He eventually moved upwards over his hips and low back, speaking softly all the while.  Finally, he knew he would have to take a closer look.

 

“I must check you now O’Neill.”  The Colonel sobbed softly but indicated he could go ahead.  “I will be gentle and as quick as I can.”  With that he reached over and slowly pulled O’Neill’s buttocks apart.  He closed his eyes and worked hard to calm his breathing.  He felt a flush of rage sweep through him.  He was going to make Cha’am suffer a long, slow and very painful death for this.

 

O’Neill’s flesh was ripped and bloody.  He’d obviously been penetrated violently, with no consideration or compassion.  The one who had done this – Lord Cha’am he was sure – must have been large to inflict such damage.

 

Teal’c could see blood slowly oozing out which only confirmed the Colonel had internal injuries – how bad he couldn’t tell.  The external damage was bad enough.

 

“He is bleeding from inside”, Teal’c called softly to Daniel and Sam.  “What should I do?”

 

Sam tried hard to keep her voice steady, but was afraid she was going to burst into tears.  She had to hang on for the Colonel’s sake.  “Can you tell if the bowel has been perforated?”

 

“How do I determine that?”

 

“Is the blood red or brown and is there an odor?”

 

Teal’c looked more closely.  “It is red and I only smell blood.”

 

“Then I expect it wasn’t – it’s probably tears in the walls of his – rectum.”  She couldn’t believe this was happening, that she was having to think and say these things.  A part of her realized that this could have been her.  She still wondered why her attackers had stopped.

 

“What shall I do?”

 

“How badly is he bleeding?”

 

“It is steady.  I believe he has lost a substantial amount of blood although it does not appear life threatening at this point.  I worry that if it continues for too long, however, it might become dangerous.”

 

“Do we have clean rags or cloths?”

 

“Yeah Sam – they’ve left us some clean towels.”  Daniel answered.  Their captors provided some basic items for their cell.   He walked over to the small shelf in the corner and retrieved the folded towels.

 

“Rip them up into small squares.  Teal’c you will have to gently insert them and try and pack the wounds so that they can close.  It’ll be painful so be gentle.  Hopefully it’ll stop the bleeding.”

 

“Did you hear that O’Neill?” Another nod.  “I promise, I will be as gentle as I can.”

 

Jack really didn’t know if he could handle this.  He’d almost lost it when he’d felt Teal’c’s hands on him, pulling his cheeks apart.  He kept expecting to feel Cha’am’s cock impaling him again.

 

It took a few minutes but he sensed, rather than heard, Teal’c return.  “I am now going to try and stop the bleeding.  I am sorry if this hurts you.”  Jack again felt hands on him and couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped.  He then had to bite down hard on his lip to keep from screaming as he felt Teal’c’s finger push in the make-shift bandages.

 

It hurt – horribly – but the feeling of penetration was worse.  He finally couldn’t take it any more and started to gag.  Pretty soon he was rolling around, crying and begging his friend to take them out.  He couldn’t handle it.  “Please – no Teal’c.  Take them out – please.”

 

Teal’c called Daniel over to help him restrain the Colonel.  They were both afraid Jack was going to hurt himself.  “O’Neill, you must calm down.  I know it is unpleasant but it will stop the bleeding.  You will be okay but you must relax.”

 

It seemed to take forever before he calmed down and stopped rolling around.  Sam watched, tears coursing down her face.  She wanted to scream– or get sick again – but she knew she had to stay as strong as possible.  

 

Finally O’Neill stilled completely, curled up into a small ball.  He stopped responding to his friends and stared blankly into space.  They both worried that he was going into shock, although it was probably more psychological than physical at this point.

 

“We must watch him closely”, Teal’c said as he tucked the blanket around the Colonel.

 

“I’ll take the first watch Teal’c.  You rest.”  The Jaffa nodded, drained by what he had had to do.  It was probably one of the most difficult things he had ever had to undertake.  He returned to Carter’s side and the two of them sat down, close to each other for comfort.

 

For the next two days they watched Jack closely.  Physically he seemed to improve and the bleeding stopped, but emotionally he withdrew into himself more and more.  Eventually he refused to speak or look at his friends.  They worried greatly about his increasingly weak emotional state.

 

It was the third day before anyone returned, other than to give them their meals.  Jack heard the door clang open and knew, in his heart, that they’d come for him again.  He tried to make himself as small as possible – maybe he could make himself invisible.

 

“Hello Colonel”, the dreaded voice of one of the cruel Jaffa spoke.  “Lord Cha’am is ready for you again.”  Jack started to shake.  “You seem excited – I know he is!”  Hands reached down and pulled him to his feet.  He groaned.

 

“No, please”, he sobbed.  “Please!”

 

“He begs!” the Jaffa laughed to his friends.  There were four of them altogether, two holding Jack and two holding weapons on his friends.  “You’ll have to let Lord Cha’am hear you – he loves it when his lovers beg.”

 

“Leave him alone!” Daniel practically shouted.  “He’s hurt.  Why are you doing this?”

 

“Us?  We’re not doing anything.  It’s our Lord’s desire – he enjoys this one”, he prodded the Colonel in the side.  “They had a good time together, did he not tell you?  We enjoyed watching him.”

 

One of the other Jaffa spoke.  “Did he lie and tell you he resisted?” When no one said anything he smirked.  “He didn’t.  He cooperated fully.  You should have seen him kiss Lord Cha’am.  He was very – passionate.”

 

“You’re sick!” Sam said softly.  “He would never cooperate.  He was brutally attacked.”

 

“Really?  Did you see any defensive wounds on him?  Any evidence that he was tied up?  No?  That should prove what I’m saying is true.  In fact, if you want we can show you the tapes.  Cha’am likes to record all his encounters so he can enjoy them again and again.”

 

Jack was unable to stand and was being held up by the Jaffa.  He was terrified, but also sickened by what he was hearing them tell his friends.  They would now know what a horrible person he was – how filthy and weak.  He wanted to curl back up in that ball and sob out his anguish.

 

“Time to go Colonel”, they began pulling him to the door.  He resisted slightly but one of them whispered something in his ear and he stopped.  “We’ll bring him back in a little while, after Lord Cha’am has enjoyed him.”  They laughed and left, slamming and locking the door behind them.

 

Sam collapsed on the ground, crying.  Daniel stood there, looking stunned and then sick.  Teal’c reached over and pounded his fist into the cement wall, breaking four of his fingers.  He didn’t care – in fact, he was glad – the pain paid him back in a small way for his inability to help his friend.

 

By the time they reached Cha’am’s chambers Jack had started shaking even more.  He begged the Jaffa to let him go but they simply began taunting him and telling him, in graphic detail, what was going to happen to him.

 

“Welcome my lovely one.”  Oh God, that voice, thought Jack.  “I have been waiting for you.”  The Jaffa brought him over and let him go right in front of Cha’am, where he collapsed to the floor.

 

“Stand up!” he was told angrily.  “Remember Colonel, if you do not cooperate I will have my men immediately bring in your two young friends and I will make you watch as my Jaffa take turns with them.”  At that Jack forced himself to his feet although he was so weak from terror he didn’t know how long he could stand.

 

“Remove your clothes”, Cha’am said softly.  Jack began to fumble with the tie on his now heavily soiled pants, but he didn’t move fast enough.  Cha’am nodded to one of his Jaffa who walked over and quickly stripped the Colonel. 

 

“There, isn’t that better?”  The Goa’uld walked around Jack, inspecting him from head to toe.  “Still a little bruised and sore Colonel?” he asked. 

 

“Yes”, O’Neill whispered, knowing his tormentor would get angry and punish him for refusing to answer.

 

“Here, let me heal you.”  Cha’am took out a healing device and held it up to Jack’s backside.  He could feel the pain slowly lesson.  “There, that is better isn’t it?  Now we can have more fun.”  He reached out and grasped Jack’s penis and began to play with it.  “Still nothing – we’ll definitely have to do something with this.”  He again gestured to one of his Jaffa.  “Help the Colonel – he needs a little – stimulation.”

 

The Jaffa walked up behind him and he tried to turn, frightened about what was to come.

 

“No, you will stay still and look at me.  Spread your legs slightly and then don’t move.  You should enjoy this Colonel.”

 

Before he knew what was happening the Jaffa had thrust two fingers into him.  He groaned and tried to pull away but Cha’am commanded him to stop.  “Remember the woman Colonel.” 

 

The Jaffa began a rhythmic motion in and out, intentionally hitting and stimulating his prostate.  It was a strange feeling – on the one hand it was horrifying and he wanted to be sick, on the other it was stimulating him and slowly causing his member to become engorged.

 

“That’s it my love”, the Goa’uld was staring down at his burgeoning erection.  He reached out and softly stroked it with his finger.

 

The Jaffa kept up his ‘massage’ and soon Jack was groaning in shame.  He tried everything he could to stop the physical reaction but it didn’t help.  Soon, he was fully erect and the Goa’uld was crowing in pleasure.

 

“That’s it!  I knew you would enjoy the ministrations of my Jaffa.  He pleased you, didn’t he?  DIDN’T HE Colonel?” 

 

Jack shook his head.  “No!  No.”

 

“You lie Colonel.  We can all see how much you are enjoying this.  See!” he practically shouted as suddenly Jack came, violently, all over Cha’am’s hand.  “See, I told you!”  He lifted his hand and showed Jack the dripping evidence of his ejaculation.  Cha’am then laughed and smeared it over Jack’s face.  The Jaffa, grinning, withdrew his fingers.

 

“Nicely done”, Cha’am told him.  “You will be suitably rewarded.  Say thank you Colonel.”  The Jaffa walked around and faced the white faced and shaking man.  “I said to thank him Colonel!”

 

Jack looked up and made himself think of Sam.  “Thank you”, he whispered, wanting to die in shame.

 

“Very good!  Now, I want you to kneel.”  By this time Jack was reaching the point where he was just reacting and was no longer thinking or even feeling.  He could feel his mind begin to slip away, to leave this place.  He therefore dropped down to his knees and stayed there, blank faced.

 

“You’re doing well Colonel”, Cha’am reached out and stroked his cheek.  After a couple of seconds he reached to the belt on his robe and untied it.  A servant walked up and took it from him, leaving him totally naked, his huge erection obvious for all to see.

 

Cha’am continued to stroke Jack’s face and finally began to rub his thumb over his mouth.  Then, in one violent movement, he stuck his thumb right into his mouth, prying his jaws open.     He took his hands away and stepped forward.  “Keep your mouth open!”

 

As Cha’am pressed forward, his penis entering Jack’s mouth and pushing into his throat, the small piece of Jack’s mind that was still present knew he was well and truly in hell.

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Salvation

SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/Anne/Documents/Jack's%20Hell%20Final%20Docs/Jack's%20Hell%20Chap%204.doc

Each time Jack was taken and then brought back to the cell he was in worse condition.  Oh, not necessarily physically.  Sometimes he’d be terribly hurt, bloody and bruised, and other times he’d be fine.  They figured out he must have been put in a sarcophagus after some of his ‘sessions’.  Those times almost frightened them more since they couldn’t tell how badly he’d been hurt.

 

What was truly terrifying for all of them was the fact that the Colonel withdrew more and more each day.  By the second week of their captivity he was almost catatonic, not responding to anyone or anything.

 

The first few times he’d been brought back he’d looked around wildly, asking for Sam.  He would only relax when she’d come up to him and he could see she was all right.  Eventually even that stopped, although he did seem to still track her with his eyes.

 

They’d stopped trying to tend to any of his wounds.  It distressed him too much and they realized that, with a sarcophagus, Cha’am wasn’t going to let him die.  They hated watching him suffer but even a small touch seemed to distress him so much they simply sat with him.

 

It was tearing all of them apart.  Sam and Daniel were both looking pale and gaunt.  Eating was almost impossible.  Even Teal’c wore a perpetual expression of worry and anger. 

 

They’d begun to rail at the guards but that had soon turned into pleading and begging, all ineffective as the Jaffa did nothing but laugh and ridicule.  One of them had even taken to describing some of the things Cha’am was doing to Jack.  It had caused both of the humans to vomit on more than one occasion.

 

“Even if we make it home”, Daniel said one day as they waited for Jack to be returned, “he’s never going to be the same.  This is destroying him.”

 

“I think it already has”, murmured Sam.  “Did you see his eyes?”

 

“What do you mean?” asked Daniel.

 

“They’re dead.  I don’t think he’s in there anymore.”

 

“That is not true, Major Carter”, Teal’c spoke softly.  “He still watches you carefully.  You are his connection to reality, to this world.”

 

“Why?  I don’t understand.  I think it would be better if he just let go completely.”

 

“Sam, he cares for you.  He always has.”

 

“A lot of good that’s done any of us.  Oh God, what can we do?  We can’t let this continue but I don’t know how to stop it.”

“I don’t know.  Maybe General Hammond -”

 

“No!  General Hammond isn’t going to help us.  We’ve been here too long.  We’re on our own.”

 

“Do not give up hope Major.”

 

“No?  I’m afraid I already have Teal’c.  And anyway, I don’t think hope is going to help the Colonel.  I think it’s too late for him.”

 

They were right.  What small piece of Jack O’Neill still remained knew that he would never be what he once was.  Cha’am had finally done what no one and nothing else had been able to do; not that first trip to Abydos, not Baal, not any of the other painful moments in his life – not even the loss of his son, none of them had managed to destroy his soul.  Now, there was nothing left worth saving.

 

The only reason that he held on to a tiny piece of who he was was because of Sam.  He’d long lost consciousness of anyone else – even Daniel and Teal’c who had been so important to him.  No, he only had room left for one small thought and that was he had to look after her and keep her safe.

 

It was what made him keep doing what he was told, even though he no longer felt, or thought, or understood what was happening.  He felt pain but didn’t know why or how.  All he knew was that it was for her and he had to keep doing it.

 

It was shortly after Jack had been dragged off again to see Lord Cha’am that the Jaffa returned.  Teal’c stood up, unsure of what was happening, but ready to try and defend his friends.

 

“Stop traitor”, the Jaffa who spoke was the same one who so viciously ridiculed the Colonel.  “The woman is to come with us.”

 

“No”, Teal’c said.  “Take me instead.”

 

“We don’t want you”, the Jaffa laughed.  “Lord Cha’am has ordered that we get the woman.”  Without further discussion he pulled his stun weapon and shot Daniel and Teal’c.  Sam tried to resist but she was quickly subdued and taken from the cell.

 

A short time later the two remaining teammates both regained consciousness.  “Why do you think they took her Teal’c?” Daniel asked as soon as he was able to speak.

 

“I do not know but I fear it is something bad.”

 

“Yeah, me too.”  They both sat, leaning against the wall, sick with worry and fear.  “Do you think this is it Teal’c?  Do you think this is how it’s all going to end?”

 

“As I said to Major Carter, I do not believe we should give up hope.”

 

“What about Jack?” His question was met by silence.  “You know what Teal’c?  I almost think it would be better if he were to die.”  Expecting to have his words met with anger or arguments, he was surprised when his friend simply nodded.

 

“I believe that might be best Daniel Jackson.”  Both men sat quietly after that, their despair too deep for conversation.

 

It was hours later when Jack was returned.  As usual, the Jaffa simply tossed him in and he fell in a heap.  The other two rushed over and tried to settle him more comfortably but, looking at his wounds, they figured that really wasn’t possible.

 

By this time he wasn’t even wearing clothes.  They had become too ripped and bloody and had simply been discarded.  Now, of course, they could see all the bruises and bloody wounds all over his body.

 

Every part of him seemed to have been abused at one time or another.  This day his mouth was terribly swollen and they could only imagine what he had been forced to endure.  Although in fact, they didn’t have to imagine much.  The Jaffa had gone into great detail.

 

“Oh God Teal’c, I can’t take this any more”, Daniel sat with tears dripping down his cheeks.  What was being done to his friend was beyond inhuman.  “Is there some way we can – we can – kill him so they can’t revive him anymore?” He couldn’t believe he was actually contemplating this.  It was something he would never, ever have imagined doing.

 

“We do not have weapons of any kind so I do not believe so”, Teal’c added seriously.  “I have tried to think of something but I believe anything we do can be repaired. 

 

Daniel looked up and smiled faintly, although not with humor.  Teal’c had obviously been thinking of this already.

 

They sat and watched as Jack lay frozen, not moving or interacting with anything at all.  His eyes were slightly open so they figured he was conscious, but Sam had been right – they were dead.

 

It was another hour before the door opened and Sam was brought in.  She was unconscious but this time the Jaffa laid her gently on the floor.  The servant – Macro or something, Daniel couldn’t remember, followed them in and gave instructions that they were to be gentle.

 

“What did you do to her?” Daniel asked.

 

“Lord Cha’am demanded that we restore her youth as well.  She was put in the same machine as your Colonel.”

 

“No! You bastard!” Daniel rushed towards the servant but was stopped by the Jaffa and held tight.

 

“She did not suffer”, Mokru stated.  “Unlike with your friend”, he pointed at Jack, “My Lord did not want her to feel the effects.  I put her to sleep so she felt nothing.  She will become younger over the next few days just as he did.”

 

“Why?” Teal’c asked. “Why does he want her to look younger?”

 

“I do not know”, Mokru answered.  “It is his will and I simply do as he commands.”  He turned and walked to the door, gesturing for the Jaffa to leave.  He took one look at Jack and smiled.

 

“My Lord tires of your friend.  He is not much good to him in this state.  He was very pleased with him however.  He cooperated nicely.”

 

“You lie!” Teal’c said coldly.  “He did not cooperate.”

 

“Oh yes, he did.  The Jaffa will tell you. He did everything Lord Cha’am told him to do.  He even thanked them and Lord Cha’am for the things they did.  Isn’t that true?” He turned to one of the Jaffa standing there.

 

“Oh yes.  Lord Cha’am asked me to pleasure the Colonel.  After he ejaculated in front of us all he thanked me.  It was very humorous.” 

 

“Why?  Why would he do that?  We don’t believe you”, Daniel said in disgust.

 

“No?  Well, it was very simple.  Lord Cha’am simply threatened the woman.  He told him that she would be raped if he didn’t cooperate.  He even gave the Colonel a demonstration – surely the woman told you.”

 

That explained it!  That’s why they’d done what they’d done to Sam.  Suddenly Teal’c heard a small sound and looked down into Sam’s face, awash with tears.  She’d heard.

 

“What will Cha’am do with him now?” Daniel wanted to know.

 

“When he is finished with him?  He will let the Jaffa have him to play with.  Of course, he will be gelded first.”  The servant gave a final grin and left with the laughing Jaffa.

 

 As soon as they’d gone Daniel squatted beside Sam and took her in his arms.  She was sobbing uncontrollably after having heard how the Colonel had been threatened.

 

“It’s my fault”, she kept repeating, rocking back and forth.

 

“No it isn’t Sam.  Cha’am would have done something else if you weren’t here – and would still have hurt Jack. You saw him – he wanted the Colonel from the first time he saw him. He’s a pervert and a sadist.  There was nothing any of us could have done.”

 

He kept talking but he could tell, from her expression, that she didn’t believe him. She was consumed with guilt.

 

Daniel glanced over right then at the Colonel and this time noticed that he was staring at Sam.  There had been no change in expression and he was blank-faced, but he was also keeping his eyes on her.  

 

Finally Sam stopped crying. “What happened to me anyway?” she groaned.  She had to get her mind off her guilt.    She’d just noticed that he felt sore and bruised all over, but she couldn’t see any wounds.

 

“Cha’am’s servant brought you back and said he’d put you in that machine – the same one they put Jack in.”

 

“You mean the one that made him younger?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know.  He wouldn’t say.”

 

Sam was worried – she wondered if she was going to be the next one to be abused.  She was pretty sure Jack wasn’t going to be any good to Cha’am soon, if not already.  She lay down again and prayed that they’d be released from their hell – either by being rescued, or by dying – permanently.

 

The next day they took Jack again.  This time his friends didn’t say anything.  There was no point.  They simply looked on as he was lifted and removed from the cell.

 

The Jaffa dropped Jack on the floor of Cha’am’s chambers right in front of the Goa’uld.  He looked down and laughed and kicked the broken man in front of him.

 

“I’m afraid you’re no good any more Colonel.  You gave me quite a bit of pleasure but now you’re just – boring.  I like a little arrogance, a little – emotion.  I don’t see any now.  So, I think it’s about time we wrapped this up.  Once more to say goodbye and then my Jaffa can have you.  Put him on the bed.”

 

The Jaffa picked him up and threw him face down on the bed where they tied him -spread-eagled.

 

“Fine, fine.  Now Colonel – for our fun.”  For the next 20 minutes or so Cha’am abused and raped Jack every way he could.  There was absolutely no reaction except for a few involuntary groans of pain.

 

When he was finished, the Goa’uld stood up.  “Put him on the table.”  The Jaffa carried him to a metal table on one side of the room and laid him on his back.  Cha’am indicated they were to place him there, untied.  It was obvious he was too weak and too destroyed to put up any kind of resisitance. 

 

Cha’am walked up and grabbed Jack’s chin and turned his face towards him.  “I have enjoyed using you Colonel.  I’m sure I know your body better than anyone ever has.”  He began to stroke Jack’s chest, pressing down viciously on the bruises and open wounds he’d afflicted there a few minutes previously.  When he got to Jack’s genitals he took them in his hand and squeezed as hard as he could.  There was little reaction from the man on the table.

 

“I want you to know that no one will ever have the pleasure from you that I have”, he smirked.  He pulled at Jack’s penis, grinding the end of his finger into the opening, trying to inflict more pain.  “Now however, I am getting tired of it and I think it’s time I let my Jaffa have you.”  He trailed his hand once more down Jack’s body.  “We can keep you alive, forever, as a play thing.  Your mind is already gone, I fear – but they don’t want you for that”, he laughed.  “No, you are nothing but an empty vessel to be filled, again and again, by my Jaffa.”   At that moment he put his finger against Jack’s mouth and opened it slowly.  He then jabbed four of his fingers in his mouth and down his throat causing the almost comatose man to gag.

 

Cha’am laughed and pulled his hand out and stood looking at the Colonel for a few moments, an expression of pleasure on his face.  “Bring it to me”, he instructed finally, not turning his head.

 

One of his Jaffa approached and handed the object to Cha’am.

 

“You may leave”, he told his men.  “He is no danger anymore and I want this to be between us.”  The Jaffa bowed and left he room.  Now it was only Jack and his tormentor.

 

“You see Colonel”, he said softly, “I do not want anyone else to enjoy this.”  He reached down and grasped Jack’s genitals.  “After today you will no longer be a man.  As I said, you will only be a vessel, nothing more.”  With that he brought the knife forward.  In the other hand he held a healing device.

 

“It will be a couple of cuts and you will no longer be my stallion!” he laughed and reached down. He grabbed Jack’s penis and with a swift cut, sliced it off.  The howl of agony from the man on the table made him laugh.  Before the wounded man had a chance to do anything more he’d made a second cut and sliced off his scrotum and testicles. 

 

The Colonel was sobbing in pain, although his eyes were still blank.  With a quick look down at the bloody flesh in his hand, Cha’am laughed and then tossed the pieces aside, He then set the knife down and picked up the healing device out and held it over the horrendous wounds, which were pumping blood all over Jack and the table.

 

“Oh, I should tell you Colonel, I’m now going to start enjoying your woman.  I sent her to the machine yesterday and in a few days she’ll be ready for my – ministrations.”

 

If Cha’am had been looking into Jack’s eyes, at that moment, he would have been frightened.  A spark of life appeared – and it was a spark of pure and utter hatred.  With an unearthly howl Jack pushed himself up.  Seeing the bloody knife lying beside him, he grabbed it and stabbed the Goa’uld in the abdomen with all his might. 

 

Cha’am tried to scream, but all that came out was a wet gasp.  He tried to stumble back but Jack had gone berserk and drew the knife up, right through Cha’am’s ribs and into his chest.  He then drew it out and began slashing his torturer.  Again and again he stabbed the Goa’uld until blood covered him and everything in the vicinity.  It was everywhere.

 

With a final gurgle, and with blood pouring out of his mouth, Cha’am finally died, knowing he’d made the mistake of his life.  He’d underestimated this man and so he died, cursing his own arrogance. 

 

Jack did not know – and if he’d been aware probably wouldn’t have cared that Cha’am was dead.  All he knew what this man, this being had tortured him and was going to torture someone he cared about.  So, Even though his torturer was gone Jack kept slashing until nothing was left of the other man but a mangled bit of flesh.  As a final act, Jack cut off the Goa’uld’s genitals and then hacked them to bits.  Even if he were to be revived in the sarcophagus, there’d be not enough of him to put back together.

 

Finally, covered in his own blood and that of the Goa’uld, Jack collapsed onto the slick floor.  All he knew was that he had saved Sam from this fiend – for that he could now rest – could now die – in peace.  He closed his eyes, his poor abused and mutilated body sinking silently into its bloody resting place.

 

What he didn’t see or feel, was the light that suddenly came and took him away, leaving only the scattered remains of an evil beyond compare.

 

Daniel, Teal’c and Sam were all sitting, quietly, in the cell they’d lived in for weeks and only Teal’c continued to have hope.  The others were beyond despair.  Suddenly, however, a light appeared there as well.  The next moment they were no longer in that cell.

 

“Wha - ”  Daniel looked around.  “Oh God – Thor!” They could see their small friend standing over what looked like a medical pod.  He did not turn and look at them.

 

“Thor?  Is that really you?” Sam called in strangled voice.  The Asgard turned and peered at his guests, his big eyes blinking slowly.

 

“Yes it is I.  Welcome Major Carter, Daniel Jackson, Teal’c.  I am afraid I cannot talk right now.  I am attempting to save Colonel O’Neill.”

 

“Oh God”, Sam collapsed to the floor.  “You got him?”

 

Thor continued to work on the controls.  Teal’c walked over to see his friend as Daniel helped Sam to her feet.

 

“Yes Major Carter.  I was able to retrieve him but he was badly injured.  I am attempting to repair the damage.”

 

“What kind of damage?  What happened to him?”

 

Thor looked up and blinked slowly.  “He was – mutilated.  I am sorry, I must concentrate.  Please, you may go to the other room where there is food and water and a place to rest.  I will come and speak to you when I can.”

 

“No, I want to stay.” Sam cried.

 

“Major Carter”, Teal’c walked over and put his hands on her shoulders.  “I will stay with O’Neill, but you must go and rest.  We cannot distract Thor.  I promise I will come if anything changes.”  She looked up at her friend and slowly nodded.  She was too emotional, she knew, and would bother Thor.

 

“Okay, but come and get me – you promise.”

 

“I do Samantha”, She reached up and kissed him on the cheek.  “Thank you Teal’c.”

 

“I will watch over him.”

 

“I know.  Come on Daniel.”

 

Daniel just nodded.  He wanted to make sure Sam was okay and knew he could leave Jack with Thor and Teal’c.  As he turned away he stopped and spoke.  “Yeah – watch him for me too okay.”

 

“Yes Daniel, I shall.”

 

When they had left Teal’c walked slowly back to the medical pod.  He had seen what had been done to O’Neill, which was one of the reasons he’d wanted Daniel and Sam out of the room.

 

“Can you repair him?”

 

“I believe so.  I was able to retrieve his flesh.  The transporter picked up all of his DNA. I am able to reattach everything, except that one of the testicles was damaged beyond repair.

 

Teal’c signed in relief.  As long as everything else was okay he knew that O’Neill would still be fine even with the loss of one testicle.

 

Thor spoke again.  “I am attempting to create a clone of the remaining one.  O’Neill will not be able to tell the difference.”

 

“Does not cloning create problems?”

 

“No, not at this point.  It is only after repeated cloning – after generations – that problems occur.  Our problems only began to show themselves after thousands of years and repeated clonings.  No, it will be fine.”

 

“I suggest you do not tell O’Neill what you had to do.  It is better that he does not know.” 

 

Thor looked at him and blinked slowly and then nodded.  “If you think that is for the best then I will say nothing.  He will never know.”

 

“Will everything – work okay?”

 

“Do you mean will he have full sexual and reproductive functions?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then yes, he will.  There should be no scarring or any evidence of trauma.  He will be as he was before.”

 

It took awhile but Teal’c marveled at the wonders of Asgard medical technology.  Everything was done in the pod by machines and incredibly advanced instruments.  Teal’c then watched as the tissues began to heal.  Soon however, Thor covered O’Neill with a blanket and left him to continue the healing process without spectators.

 

Thor began checking his monitors and Teal’c was sure he could see the little alien frown in concern. 

 

“What is wrong?” he asked.  “Is it not working?”

 

“No, the repairs are working fine.  He should be as new in a few hours.  It is not that – it is the other readings.”

 

“What is wrong?”  Thor looked up at him.

 

“I am afraid O’Neill has suffered other, more serious damage and I am afraid I cannot fix that.”

 

“What?  What is wrong?”

 

“It is his mind.  It appears as if – somehow – it has been nearly destroyed.  There is little if anything of O’Neill left.  I get faint readings, but only from the pain centers of his brain.  To bring him back to consciousness would only be cruel.  I do not know what has happened, but I cannot repair the damage.  It is too extensive.”

 

Teal’c bowed his head.  He’d hoped that Thor could fix that too, although he shouldn’t be surprised.  They’d all known it had gone too far.  Even if he could revive Jack, he didn’t think he would want Thor to do it.  What kind of life could he have after what he’d suffered?

 

“Is he in pain?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then leave him for now.”

 

“I came on the request of General Hammond.  He is expecting me to return with you.  What will now happen with O’Neill?”

 

“Is he dying?”

 

“No, physically he is healing well.  He looks much, much younger.  Was something done to him?”

 

“Yes, there was some kind of machine that de-aged him.  Major Carter was put in it yesterday.  It takes a few days to work.”

 

“Yes, well that has also helped his physical condition.  He could live many, many years but unfortunately he will be like this.”

 

Teal’c knew what that meant.  Jack would be put in some kind of institution and left there to rot.  He couldn’t let that happen to his friend.  He would kill him first.

 

He knew, however, that he also couldn’t make this decision on his own.  “I will get Daniel Jackson and Major Carter now.  We must discuss what is to happen.”

 

Thor used his communicator to ask Daniel and Sam to return.  They were back within moments.

 

“How is he?” Daniel asked immediately on entering the room.

 

“Physically he is well”, Teal’c answered.  “Thor was able to heal his wounds.”

 

“What was wrong with him?” Sam asked.  Teal’c blinked at her. 

 

“He was stabbed and cut with a knife, but he is healing now.”

 

“Thank God”, she cried.  She walked over to the pod and looked down at the Colonel.  He looked so peaceful and so – healthy.  His skin was clean and pink looking.  For the first time in weeks he looked like he might make it.  She suddenly realized, however, what Teal’c had said.  “You said ‘physically’ – how is he otherwise.

 

The silence, which greeted her question, should have warned her.  She looked quickly between Teal’c and Thor but it was Daniel who spoke.

 

“There’s something wrong, isn’t there?” he asked heavily.

 

“Yes”, Teal’c answered.  “I’m afraid his mind - ”

 

“It’s gone, isn’t it”, Sam whispered as she continued to look at the man lying there.  He looked as if he were sleeping, nothing more.  He looked so peaceful.  God, what would she do without him?

 

“Is there nothing, nothing we can do?”

 

“I do not have the technology or the knowledge to heal this Major Carter.  I am sorry.”

 

“God damn it”, yelled Daniel.  “After everything he has done _this_ is how it ends?  It’s so unfair!”

 

“I am sorry”, Thor repeated.

 

“You’re the one who said he was special!  You’re the one who said he was the next step in our development.  Surely there’s _something_ you can do!”

 

“Daniel -!” Sam tried to stop him.  It wasn’t Thor’s fault.

 

“No Major Carter.  Daniel Jackson is correct!  I am sorry, I should have thought of this.”  Thor looked as if something had suddenly occurred to him.   “There may be something – but I cannot promise.”

 

“What?  What is it?” She asked, a small sliver of hope coming to life.

 

“O’Neill has the blood of the Ancients.  It was wise of you to remind me Dr. Jackson.”

 

“So?” asked Daniel impatiently.

 

“There is a device that was used by the Ancients, and can only be used by one with Ancient blood.  It might help.”

 

“Where is it?  Get it.” Daniel spoke again.

 

“I do not have it.  It is on Othalla and I cannot guarantee that it will work.”  Thor stopped and then looked at them each individually.  “It also requires a great sacrifice.”

 

“From Jack?  He’s already sacrificed everything else – one more thing shouldn’t matter.”

 

“No, not from O’Neill.”

 

“What do you mean Thor?” Sam asked gently.  This was all so unreal; she didn’t know what to think.

 

“I believe we should make our way to Othalla and retrieve this object immediately”, Teal’c interjected.  “We can discuss it on the way.”  The others agreed and Thor put in the coordinates of his planet.

 

“We should arrive in six of your hours.”

 

“So, Thor, tell us, what does this object do and what sacrifice is required?”

 

 

 

 


	5. To Join?

SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/Anne/Documents/Jack's%20Hell%20Final%20Docs/Jack's%20Hell%20Chap%205.doc

Thor had wanted to continue to monitor Jack, as well as watch out for possible Goa'uld ships as they hurtled through space, so he asked them all to wait for his explanation.

 

"We will arrive shortly on Othalla and then I will tell you everything I know.  I will also speak with some of my colleagues who may know more than I."

 

Although the three humans were anxious to hear what Thor had to say, they recognized it was probably better to wait anyway.  They all needed to wash, eat and rest before they faced what lay ahead of them.

 

Thor had directed Sam to a small room, where she could rest and wash up.  The little Asgard had learned a lot about human behavior over the last few years and understood that she would want separate quarters from the men.

 

It felt wonderful to wash in a real shower again, she thought.  She spared an idle thought as to whether the Asgard used them or whether Thor had provided it for his 'Tauri' guests.  It was also wonderful to have privacy.  As close as she was to her team mates – and as glad as she had been to have them with her in their captivity, it was a relief to be on her own as she washed.

 

She'd tried to eat a little of the food that had been left for her - she appreciated that Thor had gone to the trouble to provide it as the Asgard ate those tiny, foul-tasting little squares - but she wasn't hungry.  She smiled slightly.  If Janet were here she wouldn't let her get away with not eating.  She knew she'd lost too much weight and it was beginning to be a serious concern.

 

God, she wished Janet were here.  She so needed a woman friend right now.

 

As she lay back down on the bed she stared at the ceiling and thought about the horrors of the last few weeks.  She knew she'd never be the same after what she'd witnessed. But, as horrible a time as Teal’c, Daniel and she had faced, it was nothing as compared to what the Colonel had experienced. What had been done to him - to Jack - was beyond horrible.

 

She almost wondered if it wasn't better, more humane, to leave him the way he was – unconscious and unaware.  If Thor were to repair his mind he'd have to live with the memories of the horrific abuse he'd suffered.  She didn't think he'd be able to handle that.  She knew she couldn’t.

 

She closed her eyes briefly, trying not to think of what lay ahead for all of them.  The Colonel – his life was over.  The tears made their way out of her closed eyes and flowed slowly down her cheeks.  How could she go through the gate without him?  How could she _continue_ – without him?  She sobbed quietly.   Maybe she'd request a job in the labs.  She could still use her mind and her knowledge without ever having to face being captured again. 

 

Finally, her mind moved around to the thing she'd avoided since they'd been taken by Cha’am - and that was Pete.  Shortly before they'd left for this latest mission he'd asked her to marry him.  It had taken her a couple of weeks to decide, but she'd finally said yes.  She so craved a normal life.  She wanted to love and to be loved openly and without reservation.  She wanted to be able to go home after a long day and have someone open his arms and hold her, soothe her.  She had decided she could have that with Pete.

 

What had caused her to take so long to decide was, quite simply, Jack.  She'd had intense feelings for him for a long time, but they'd never had a chance to grow or to mature.  She'd finally realized, after her imaginary discussions on the Prometheus, that she was wasting her life waiting for something that would never happen.  When she'd eventually admitted that to herself, she'd been able to move on and she'd been happy.

 

Oh, if there were a small part of her that mourned she would never tell any one.  Most of the time she refused to acknowledge it herself.  She'd been determined to be happy and to be confident that she'd made the right decision.

 

And then had come this fateful trip through the gate.

 

As she'd watched Jack being destroyed, day after day, her feelings for him had surfaced and solidified.  Their captivity had stripped away all that was unimportant and peripheral and she'd allowed herself to again see the funny, sweet, brilliant, sometimes clueless but always amazing man that he was.  Added to that was the care he showed her, even as his mind was being tortured along with his body.  Right until the end he had worried about her and protected her.  He'd done things and allowed things to be done to him simply and solely to save her.

 

She now truly mourned for what she'd lost, not only because of Cha’am and his men, but because of her decision to move on.  She didn't know if she could ever forgive herself.

 

"Sam?" She heard Daniel's voice followed by a soft tap on her door.  "Are you awake?"

 

"Yes Daniel, come in."  She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the small cot that had been provided for her.

 

"Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.  She noticed that he looked much better - at least cleaner, although he was still thin and pale.  His eyes were sunken and looked almost as dead as Jack's.  She suspected she looked the same.

 

"No", she answered plainly.  "How can I be?"

 

"I know, but we'll get through this.  Jack will get through this too.  I'm sure Thor can help him."

 

"Even if he can  heal his mind, how will the Colonel ever deal with the memories?"

 

"Yeah, I've thought about that too.  We'll have to wait and find out what Thor says.  Maybe it's better to leave him the way he is."

 

The two friends stayed silent, each contemplating the choice they might soon have to make and what it would mean for their friend and commander.

 

"Where's Teal'c?" she finally asked, noticing for the first time that he was not with Daniel.

 

"He's with Jack.  He won't leave his side."

 

She grimaced as she realized now there was something else to add to her guilt.  She should have been with him, stayed with him.  He would have done the same for her.

 

"Stop it Sam!" Daniel said sharply.  "Don't go blaming yourself for this too.  You needed to rest or you were going to collapse.  Taking a couple of hours, when Teal'c and Thor are both there to watch him, is not a terrible thing to do.  Jack knows how much you care and he'd be angry if you thought you were whipping yourself over this."

 

"Does he?"

 

"Does he what?" Daniel asked, puzzled.

 

"Does he know how much I care?  I haven't really shown him that for a long time."

 

Daniel took a deep breath and walked over and sat on the bed beside his friend.  "Sam, come on.  Jack knew - of course he knew!  He also knew that there was nothing you could do about your - feelings for one another.  He wanted you to be happy, to get a life.  He didn't blame you and he didn't doubt your friendship or loyalty.  He'd be royally pissed if he thought _you_ doubted _him_." He should his head, not sure if he'd made sense or not.

 

"I guess Daniel.  I just feel like I should have done something, anything to prevent this.  How could I have let him suffer like that?"

 

"I've asked myself the same thing but you know what?  I've also tried to think what we could have done differently and I can't come up with anything.  We were in a hopeless situation.  All we can do is be thankful Thor came along when he did."

 

She suddenly sat up straight and looked at Daniel, shocked.  "What happened to Cha’am and his men?  Did we just leave him?  He'll do it again Daniel, to someone else.  We have to tell Thor to stop him."

 

"We don't need to." He answered after a short pause.  "Cha’am is dead."

 

"Did Thor kill him?" she asked, surprised.

 

"No, Jack did."

 

"Jack?  But - but how?  He was hurt and his mind - ?"

 

"I don't know how.  All I know is that Thor said that Cha’am had been killed and that Jack had done it.   I think maybe he'd had enough and snapped."

 

"Maybe", she said, staring off into space.  "You know what I think really happened?"

 

"What?"

 

"I think the Colonel knew that Cha’am was going to start on me next.  I think that's why he killed him."

 

"You can't know that!  There's nothing to say that that evil bastard was going after you - and even if he was, how would Jack know?"

 

"The machine Daniel.  He put me in that machine.  He wanted me young just like the Colonel.  As for how Jack knew?  I think Cha’am told him."

 

"Why would he - oh!" Daniel closed his eyes as if in pain.  "He wanted Jack to suffer and knew that would do it."

 

"Yes.  After all he'd gone through to protect me would there have been anything crueler than to tell him that it had all been for nothing?   He wanted Jack to suffer the ultimate pain.  What he didn't count on was the fact that there was enough of the Colonel left to react and to attack him.  He was still protecting me, right to the end."

 

"Yeah", Daniel shook his head in wonder.  “I think you’re probably right.”

 

"But what if they revive him in the sarcophagus?"  She was pretty sure his Jaffa were completely loyal and would immediately try and bring him back to life.

 

"Uh, Thor said that won't happen."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Well - I guess there wasn't enough of him left."

 

"Not enough left?"

 

"Yeah, I guess Jack was pretty, uh, thorough.  According to Thor there were too many - pieces."

 

The two friends looked at one another in horror, but also in relief.  They were not horrified over Cha’am's fate - he'd deserved that and more.  What was so awful was that it was one more thing Jack would have to remember and live with; if they were able to heal him.

 

"We should be arriving in just a few minutes Sam.  Thor said he's going to send Jack down to their medical facilities and have one of their doctors look him over in case there is something they can do.  While that's happening he'll tell us about this ancient thingy."

 

"Thingy?  Is that the technical term?" she smiled faintly, suddenly reminded of the Colonel.

 

"I think it's kind of a 'Jack O'Neill' technical term." He smiled back, as if reading her mind. 

 

With a small sob Sam reached out and hugged him.  "Thank you Daniel."

 

"What for?"

 

"For being such a good friend."

 

"Hey, to use a cliché - 'it takes one to know one'.  Come on, let's go."

 

It took a while for Thor to get Jack settled but they finally were able to leave him, knowing he was in the capable hands of the expert Asgard doctors.  They'd been assured that the medics would take excellent care of their friend so they reluctantly followed Thor into a different room where they could talk.

 

One whole side of the room was a window overlooking the city.  It was stunning - the beautiful architecture of Othalla could be seen with the sunlight just touching the tops of the buildings.  Everything looked so peaceful, so serene.  It was amazing, Sam thought, how everything could seem so fine even when your world was falling apart.

 

"I have invited Gudrun to join us.  He is our expert on Ancient history."

 

"By that I assume you mean the history of the Ancients, as opposed to really old history?" Daniel asked.

 

The little Asgard - who actually was smaller than Thor - stepped forward.  "Yes Dr. Jackson.  I study the history of the Ancients."

 

"And is what Thor said true?  Is there something that can help Jack - Colonel O'Neill?"

 

"There may be, we are not sure.  But I assume you would like me to explain this object and what it does?"

 

"Yes, please", Sam finally spoke up.  She looked at her two companions who both smiled and nodded at her.

 

The Asgard historian then launched into his story.  They all hoped it would give them an idea as to whether the Ancient object could help the Colonel or not.  

 

"Many millennia ago - long before the Ancients were able to ascend, many pursued paths to enlightenment and fulfillment.  They had reached the zenith of their civilization and not all of them were satisfied with their simple and solitary existence."  He stopped and blinked slowly at his audience.  "It was during this time that one of the Ancients, a brilliant scientist by the name of Sigrun, created a device that would take the one using it to a new, richer and more fulfilled life."

 

Teal'c sat up straight.  "Is this the device we are talking about using on O'Neill?"

 

"This is the device", Gudrun nodded.  "I do not know yet whether or not we can use it on O’Neill."

 

"Is it dangerous?" Daniel threw in.

 

"Please, let Gudrun continue", Thor interjected.  "There is more he needs to explain."

 

"We're sorry.  Please, go on." Daniel made a motion with his hand indicating that the Asgard should continue.

 

"You must understand however”, Gudrun looked at each of them with a startlingly direct gaze, “that althought this device was created to bring one a more fulfilled life, it could not be used by one person alone."

 

"What?" asked Sam, her brow crinkled in confusion. 

 

"After many years of trial Sigrun realized that true knowledge and enlightenment couldn’t be accomplished by one alone.  In fact, he discovered that the path to fulfillment was created through the joining of two people.  The device takes two individuals and brings them together to create something – special, something more than the individual."

 

"Okay, this sounds a little weird", said Daniel. "What do you mean by 'special'." 

 

"Unfortunately, I do not have all the facts.  The literature does not explain in detail.  It only says that once joined the two would become Aesir - like gods.  What that means exactly we do not know."

 

"So, how does this help Jack?"

 

Gudrun looked over to Thor who continued the explanation.  "There is some evidence that the joining of these two individuals would bring healing and long life."

 

"Physical healing?" Daniel wanted to know.

 

"Not just physical, Dr. Jackson", Gudrun looked almost excited.  "Again, although the literature is not explicit, it does seem to indicate that it would soothe the mind and spirit; that one would bring strength and light to the other.  We believe that O'Neill's mind may be healed in this joining."

 

"And what exactly is the 'joining'?" All three of the friends looked at Gudrun.

 

"All it entails is that the two who decide to join each hold one end of the object and then a small switch is turned on.  The - joining then takes place."

 

"And that’s all you know?  Is it dangerous?" Daniel asked.

 

"Not as far as we know.  There were some for whom it was not successful but there was no indication that anything bad happened to them as a result."

 

Daniel looked uncertainly at Teal’c and Sam – who looked back at him with equal worry and hesitation.  "I think we should give it a try”, he finally said.  “What do we have to lose?”  He hesitated for a moment, biting his lip.  “Uh, there's just one thing" he looked to his friends, not quite sure how to say this to the Asgard.  "Look, Jack was tortured badly for the whole time we were there.  He was - hurt and killed many times and brought back in the sarcophagus.  We're worried that he'll be healed but all his memories will come back."

 

"And this is a bad thing?" asked Thor.

 

"Yes Thor, it would be bad."  Sam had stood up and was walking around.  "You see, humans are only able to deal with so much pain and the memories of awful things happening to them.  We think that what he went through – the _memories_ of what he went through would be more than Colonel O'Neill could handle."

 

The two Asgard looked at each other and blinked.  Thor then turned to Major Carter.  "We believe that the one with whom O'Neill is joined can choose to remove those memories from his mind - or simply make them distant memories that lack pain.  But if that is the case I am afraid that it will be very difficult for this person to do."

 

"Why?"

 

"He or she would have to see all of those memories in order to choose to remove them.  If they are as bad as you say it could be very - painful."

 

"Would the memories then stay with that person?"

 

"No, I believe that they could also be removed if the person chose to do so."

 

"Okay.  I say we do it." Daniel stood up and walked to Sam.  "I'll do it.  I'll 'join' with Jack."

 

"Are you sure Daniel Jackson?" asked Teal'c.

 

"Yes.  Look, Jack and I have been friends a long time - longer than any of the rest of you.  It's a small thing to do for him after all he's done for me.  I want to do it."

 

Sam had been about to speak up, to offer, but Daniel was right.  He'd known Jack longer and besides, she figured the Colonel might be more embarrassed to have her 'joining' with him and seeing those memories.  She still didn't like it - she still thought it should be her, but she decided not to push it.  And she would never tell anyone how badly she wanted to be the one.

 

"Are you certain Dr. Jackson?", this time it was Gudrun who asked.

 

"Yeah, it's a small price to pay.  Look, we'll 'join' and then when Jack's healed we'll return to earth and everything can be back to normal."

 

"I am afraid we were not clear Doctor", Thor looked up at the archaeologist.  "The joining is not a single occurrence.  When I spoke of sacrifice this is what I meant.  The person who joins with O'Neill will be joined with him forever.  There is no going back - it is for life."

 

"Oh" Daniel sat down suddenly.  After a few seconds he took a deep breath.  "That's okay, I'll still do it.  He's my friend."

 

"You do not plan to take a mate, Doctor?" The little historian asked.

 

"What?  Well, I might - I don't know, I guess it's a possibility, someday.  What does that have to do with this?"

 

"You still do not understand.  The joining", Thor struggled to explain.  "most often it took place between a man and a woman who wanted to spend the rest of their lives together - truly together.  Occasionally there were men who chose to be together - or two women - but it was rarer and only occurred between those who truly loved one another.  To be joined so closely to one will make it almost impossible to take a mate."

 

"Are you - do you mean - is this joining like marriage?"

 

"In what I have been told about human marriage I would say that yes, it in some ways it is similar, although more profound.  It does not have to entail physical relations, however.  For some it was only spiritual.  I am sorry I cannot explain it better but we have little information and fewer facts."

 

Thor stopped and looked around.  "Does O'Neill have someone he cares for on earth?"

 

"You mean, like a girlfriend or something?"

 

"I do not know.  Is that what you call someone you wish to mate with?"

 

"Yeah, sometimes, I guess so."  Daniel looked at Sam and gave a silent groan.  "Uh, I guess Jack - sort of had someone.  He had just started seeing a woman, but I don't think it was serious."  Jack had told him about Kerri Johnson just a few weeks before they'd left on their last mission.  As he'd told Thor, he didn't think it had gone too far but Jack had been happier than he'd seen him in a long time.  He knew his friend had suffered when Sam took up with Pete and this new romance had seemed to bring him some comfort and happiness.

 

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Sam's shock.  She didn't seem happy although, to be fair to her, she'd soon realize she couldn't expect Jack to pine for her when she was involved with someone else.  Still, it was easier to be the one who'd moved on.  It was always harder to see the other person do it too.

 

"Would she consider joining with O'Neill?"

 

"No!" Sam said sharply.  "She doesn't know him that well and - and she wouldn't understand.  I don't think it would be fair to ask it of her."

 

"Would it be fair not to ask her Sam?" Daniel looked at her seriously.

 

"We're not going to Daniel.  She barely knows him.  She's not the right person.  She can't - no!"

 

"Then who?"

 

"It'll have to be me." Sam said softly.  She'd felt it from the beginning – that it should be her.  Now that they understand more clearly the result of the joining she knew there was no other way.  For some reason the thought brought her peace.  This was right.

 

"Sam" Daniel walked over and gently put his hand on her shoulder.  "What about Pete?" He was one of the few people who knew about the engagement.  He'd been happy for her but sad too for Jack - and for what the two of them had had to give up because of the Air Force.

 

"He can't matter now Daniel.  I have to do this for Jack."

 

"Major Carter" Teal'c walked over and looked down at her.  "If you do this solely because you feel guilt over what happened to Colonel O'Neill then I believe you make a grave error.  He will not be happy to know that is why you did this thing.  He would not want to live with you forever, connected, simply because of your guilt or duty.  I believe it would be better if I were the one who joined with O'Neill."

 

Okay, thought Daniel, hearing Teal'c say that just sounded - wrong. 

 

"No Teal'c, Daniel, this isn't about guilt - or at least only a little bit.  I just know it's the right thing for me to do.  In fact, I know it's what I have to do.  The Colonel would do it for me - hell, he gave his life up for me, his -  his very soul.  I have no choice."

 

"Are you sure Major?  That still does not sound like a valid reason to go through with this."  Teal’c looked at her with a penetrating stare.  He needed to know she did this for the right reason.  Once again he was looking out for his friend – for the man who had brought him freedom.

 

They wanted their pound of flesh, didn't they, Sam realized.  Taking a deep breath she looked at her friends.  "That's not the only reason.  Look, a part of me died when I saw what they did to him.  The last few weeks have made me realize how much he means to me, how much I - care -for him.  I - I have to be the one to do it, don't you understand?  I _want_ to be the one."

 

"Major Carter, do you love him?" Teal’c’s question got right to the heart of the matter.

 

She started to tremble and looked down, her eyes awash in tears.  "I don't know", she whispered, "Maybe."  She then looked up, her eyes piercing in their intensity, "all I know is that it has to be me.  I want to do this.  But you have to promise me something."

 

"What?" asked Daniel.

 

"You have to promise that you won't tell Jack how I feel."

 

"Why not Sam?"

 

"Because he's already given up everything for me.  If he thought I - cared - for him and he didn't feel the same, he'd be the one consumed by guilt and I could not live with that."

 

"But - how'll you hide it from him?"

 

"I don't know.  All I know is that I am his friend and I am going to do this.  I will not let him die or live the way he is now."  She turned to Gudrun and Thor.  "Where is this object?  I'd like to get this done."

 

"You are sure Major Carter?", Thor asked gently.

 

"Yes, I am sure."

 

"Then we will retrieve the object.  It resides in our museum so will take some time.  In the meantime, think carefully about what you do Major.  There is no going back once this is done.  And, it is going to be very difficult, very painful for you."

 

"I know Thor", she smiled,  "but you see, I really do care for him so I want to do this."

 

Daniel and Teal'c looked at each other, worried about what was going to happen.  Somehow, they didn't expect it was going to be an easy road for either of their friends.

 

 

 

 


	6. The Joining

SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/Anne/Documents/Jack's%20Hell%20Final%20Docs/Jack's%20Hell%20Chap%206.doc

“We have retrieved the object, Major Carter.”  She’d opened her door upon hearing the knock.  Thor was standing outside, alone.

 

“Okay, should I come now?”

 

“If you are ready.”

 

She nodded.  She was frightened, and worried, but she knew she really had no choice.  She looked around her room quickly but realized there was nothing she needed.  As Thor began walking away she slipped into the hall behind him.  Might as well get this over with.

 

“I have informed Dr. Jackson and Teal’c.  They are waiting for us.”

 

She frowned as she realized they were going a different direction than they had previously.  “Where are we going Thor?”

 

“We have prepared a chamber Major Carter.  We needed to take some precautions before we start the Joining.  We also want you to be comfortable.”

 

“Oh, okay.”  She thought for a moment, “what precautions?”

 

“Teal’c informed us that O’Neill may react to some of the memories with violence.  I do not want anyone hurt.  I also want to ensure your privacy.”

 

“Thank you”, she said.  She knew this must be hard for the alien as well.  He and Jack had a special relationship – one, in fact, which she could never quite understand.  If there were two more different beings in the universe than Thor and Jack O’Neill it would be hard to find them.  Still, they both liked and respected each other.  If she wasn’t mistaken, she was pretty sure that Thor felt a bit of ‘hero-worship’ for O’Neill.

 

They finally arrived and Sam could see that Jack had been taken out of the pod and placed on a large – bed, she guessed she’d call it, although in fact it looked more like an extra large examining table.  He was strapped down, although the restraints were well-padded.  She knew it was as much to protect him as anyone else.

 

She couldn’t help but stop and stare at the Colonel.  He looked so impossibly young.  His face was unlined and looked peaceful and serene.  He also looked healthy, even better than he had just a few hours before.

 

“He’s okay?” she asked softly.

 

“Yes Major Carter”, Thor replied.  “He is physically very healthy.  His wounds were healed and he does well.”

 

“And his mind?”

“Sadly, our doctors looked at him and there is little they can do.  They feel that the combination of the treatment he received, and the repeated times in the sarcophagus, combined to cause his mind to retreat.”

 

“Retreat?” she looked around, puzzled.  “I thought you said it was destroyed?”

 

“That is technically not true but in a practical sense it is.  The human mind can only take so much suffering and then will often retreat into itself, basically running away from all thoughts, memories and pain.  Normally, with treatment and time, it can repair itself and many have been able to cope and to get somewhat better.  We believe that the sarcophagus made the effect much worse so that O’Neill’s mind cannot repair itself.  However, we also feel that his mind is still ‘there’ but it will take something else, or in this case, someone else, to repair the damage.”

 

“How will I do that?”

 

“The Ancient device will allow your minds to interconnect.  You will, in essence, be giving O’Neill the power of your mind.  He will ‘share’ it with you.”

 

“Will this affect Sam?” Daniel asked, concerned.  “Will she be hurt?”

 

“No, we do not think so.  We do not understand it fully, but we believe that the two minds somehow begin to work together.  Although O’Neill’s memories and psyche have been damaged, his ‘power’ and wisdom and discernment are all still there.  It is our hope that each of you will gain from this, not lose.”

 

“Are you positive?” asked Teal’c.

 

“No, I am afraid this is conjecture.  There is danger”, Thor turned to Sam.  “You must understand Major Carter, that it may not work the way we hope.  We cannot promise that you will not be damaged in the endeavor.”

 

“I understand Thor.”

 

“And you still wish to go ahead?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Sam?” Daniel looked at her, worried.

 

“I know what I’m doing Daniel.”  She turned back to Thor.  “What do you want me to do?”

 

“Simply lie down beside O’Neill.  Unfortunately, we will have to restrain you as well, just to be safe.”

 

“That’s fine Thor.  Do you know how long this will take?”

 

“No, I am sorry.  It may take some time as you will have to sift through all his memories.”

 

“All of them?”

 

“Those that stand out to him.  It will be up to you which ones he retains and which ones you remove from him.”

 

“I can remove his memories?”

 

“Yes, those which have caused this damage can be taken away from him – or you can simply lessen the pain of them.  It is your choice.”

 

“Oh God Daniel, Teal’c, how can I decide that?”

 

“Major Carter”, Teal’c walked over and took her hands.  “O’Neill has had much pain in his life, but he has learned to deal with it.  It is the pain that has contributed to who he is.  Be careful not to take that from him.  However, what he went through these past weeks – I do not believe they are experiences that he needs to have.  They will do him only harm.”

 

She nodded.  “Yes, I see.  So, I’ll only change things with this last mission?”

 

“I think that is for the best.”

 

“Okay”, she turned and walked over to the bed and lay down.  Thor then reached over and gently put the restraints on her wrists and ankles, and one around her waist.  Her right hand was extended to the side, almost, but not quite touching the Colonel’s.

 

Thor then walked over and picked up a long, cylindrical object.  It was made of metal – naquada she suspected – and had etchings carved into the side.  She could almost see Daniel drooling with the desire to get a hold of it.

 

“You will grasp this Major Carter and we will put O’Neill’s hands on the other end.  When you are ready, I will press this switch.”  There was a small metal indentation in the side.  If Thor hadn’t pointed it out she doubted whether she would have noticed it.

 

“What if we drop it?”  She wasn’t sure how it worked but figured they’d have to stay in contact with it.

 

“We have thought of that.”  He held up a piece of some kind of material.  “We will bind your hands to it.  This is terlan, an extremely soft but tough fiber.  You will not be able to break it.”

 

“Okay”, she replied.  She could feel her heart speeding up in anticipation and, if she was being completely honest, fear. 

 

“Sam, are you okay?” Daniel leaned over and asked gently.

 

“I’m fine Daniel.” She licked her lips.  “If something goes wrong – could you tell my father and Mark – that I love them?”

 

“You’ll be okay Sam, don’t worry.”

 

“I know”, she smiled.  “Still, promise me?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“And Daniel?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Get in touch with Pete.  Tell him – tell him, I’m sorry and that he shouldn’t mourn for me.  Can you do that?”

 

“Yeah, don’t worry Sam.  If anything goes wrong – but it won’t.”  He found it curious that Sam hadn’t asked him to tell Pete she loved him. He wondered if that was to spare him grief, or if she had discovered she really _didn’t_ love him.  Considering what she was doing, he kind of hoped it was the latter.

 

“We are ready to begin Major”, Thor stood, holding the cylinder.  The Asgard doctor stood next to him with the terlan strips.

 

“Okay”, she took a deep breath.  “I’m ready.”  She closed her eyes, praying this would be successful and she’d help save the Colonel.

 

Thor reached down and put the cool metal in her hand.  She grasped it and then felt the soft cloth being wound around her hand and wrist.  Soon, she couldn’t have let go if she’d wanted to.

 

She heard some movement and figured they must be wrapping Jack’s hand around the object.  Soon, everything stopped.

 

“I will press the button now Major.”  She nodded.

 

At first nothing happened.  A couple of seconds went by and she started to feel a warm buzzing going through her body.  It wasn’t unpleasant.  In fact, it reminded her of the feeling she’d had when she sat in one of those massage chairs at the mall.

 

Soon, the buzzing increased and she started to feel something going through her head.  It was not painful but soon began to feel – irritating.  It was as if something were vibrating her brain.  Then, the pressure started.  It felt as if something or someone was attempting to push into her mind, to break the barriers down and go through her thoughts and memories.

 

Suddenly it was not only uncomfortable, it was frightening.  It felt like a violation, as if the intruder was attempting to open her mind, to force his way inside.  She opened her mouth to scream when everything immediately changed.

 

A gentle, soft flowing touch spread through her mind and into her body.  The feeling of relief was immense.  In some strange way she felt almost like a virgin who’d had her first experience of sexual intercourse.  It was as if she’d been ‘breeched’ for want of a better term.  It had been frightening and painful but then became - amazing.  She had been entered, been filled, but with caring and gentleness – not violence or rape.  The fear had been her own, not caused by someone’s anger or control.

 

She allowed herself to relax and enjoy the sensation.  She smiled to herself – this was mental coitus, she almost laughed.  She was being caressed and stimulated at the same time.  Without warning she felt an intense flush rush through her mind and body.  God, she said to herself, I think I’m having an orgasm in my mind.

 

Talk about mind-blowing!  The feeling was like nothing she’d ever had.  It was beyond wonderful – beyond intense - and the feeling went on and on.  This could definitely become addictive she thought. 

 

As the experience continued she became aware of someone behind it; that another being was inside her – in her mind, and was causing the feeling of climax.  She relaxed, and allowed the feelings to consume her.  It was Jack – she recognized his spirit, his essence.  It was that which filled her and caused the intense feelings of joy and release.

 

Sadly, however, there was no consciousness, no awareness in his presence.  She could tell his spirit was there, but not his mind.  It was not that it was blank – no, she could feel that there was much there –but it was as if there was a barrier keeping all away, including himself.  She knew she would have to breach his mind, just as hers had been breached.

 

Carefully, fearfully, she began to push against _his_ mind.  This time she was the one that had to ‘breach’ him.

 

It was difficult – very difficult.  The defenses were virtually impenetrable.  The walls that had been erected were almost impossible to break down.  She kept pushing however, knowing that his life depended on it.

 

Slowly, surely, she could feel something give.  She couldn’t hear it – she was concentrating too fiercely – but the others could.  They could hear the deep groans and whimpers coming from the man at her side. 

 

“God, what’s wrong Thor?” Daniel stared down at his friend.  “He sounds like he is in pain.  Maybe we should stop this.”

 

“No Dr. Jackson, he will be fine.  I am monitoring his signs.  This is to be expected.  Major Carter will be accessing painful memories.  O’Neill’s body may read that as physical pain but he is not being hurt.”  Thor looked up.  “You may want to leave.  This will be difficult to witness but be assured I will let no harm come to either of them.”

 

“He is correct Daniel, we should leave.  It will be difficult to watch and I believe Major Carter would prefer fewer people view this.” Teal’c reached out and gently touched his friend.

 

Daniel didn’t like it but he finally agreed.  “You promise you’ll tell us if anything changes.”

 

“I will Dr. Jackson.  Please, do not worry.”

 

There was a lake in front of her.  One minute she’d been struggling fiercely to get Jack to open to her and the next thing she knew she was sitting beside a beautiful blue lake – fishing!  She looked down in her hand and sure enough there was a fishing rod.  Sitting next to her was a young boy with brown eyes and tousled light brown hair.

 

“You like fishing too?” the young boy asked.  He couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

 

“Uh, I’ve never really done it before.”

 

“No?  Wow, that’s too bad. My Daddy taught me.  He says I’ll be the greatest fisherman ever!”

 

“Really?  That’s nice.”  What do you say to a small boy, she wondered, especially one you didn’t know?

 

“Yeah.  He says that we have a, a special touch.  He once caught a fish this” he held his arms out wide, “big”.  She had to grin – it was cute – and a typical ‘fish’ story.

 

“So, where is your Daddy?”

 

“He’s with my Mommy.  She’s gone to the hospital.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.  I hope she’ll be okay.”

 

“Daddy says she’s okay.  They’ve gone to get a baby.”

 

“Really?” She looked at him in surprise.  His mother was having a baby?  She wondered why they’d left him here alone.

 

“Yeah.  They told me I’d get a baby brother or sister.  I don’t want one.  I’d rather have a new bike.  I told my Mommy and she cried.  I got in trouble – I got a spanking”, he said, terribly aggrieved.  “It’s not fair.  Bobby Johnson got a new bike for his birthday and I’m gonna get a baby”, he said in disgust.

 

“Oh dear, that doesn’t seem fair, does it?”

 

“No!  Anyway, I guess it’s okay if it’s a brother.  I don’t want a little sister!”

 

“How come?”

 

“Cause girls are yucky!”

 

She laughed.  She figured he had another 9 or 10 years before he realized that girls were far from ‘yucky’.  If he stayed this cute when he grew older she was pretty sure he would quite enjoy girls.

 

“Is anyone looking after you when your Mommy and Daddy are in the hospital?” she asked.

 

“Yeah, Grandma’s here.  She’s bakin a cake.”  He turned and gave her a gap-toothed grin.  “I _love_ cake.  It’s my favrit.”

 

“I like cake too – although I have a friend who likes it even more.  He’s like you, it’s his ‘favrit’.

 

“What’s his name?”

 

“Jack – his name is Jack.”

 

“Really?  Wow, that’s my name too.  Akchully – my real name is Jonathon – but Daddy calls me ‘Jack’.  He says it’s a big boy’s name.”

 

She was starting to have a very strange feeling about this conversation.  It dawned on her that she should have wondered from the first moment what was going on.  She must be in Jack’s mind and this – Oh God – this must be Jack as a little boy.  But how could she be seeing him if it was his own memory?  Maybe instead of ‘experiencing’ his memories she was viewing them almost as if it they were movies.  But then again, how could she be in his memory?  She wouldn’t even have been born yet when he was 5 or 6.  This was very confusing.

 

When he looked at her strangely she realized she’d gone silent.  “Yes, it is, it’s a big boy’s name.  It’s one of _my_ favrits.”  He grinned and she felt as if something had hit her right between the eyes.  That was so Jack’s grin.  Man, had he been a cute kid!

 

“So, does your Grandma know you’re out here by yourself?”

 

He looked guilty and again she felt that weird sense of wonder.  She recognized all these expressions from the man this boy would become. 

 

“No.  She thinks I’m with Grandpa.”

 

“And where is your Grandpa?”

 

“He’s in the backyard.  He fell asleep.”

 

“So you snuck off here to do a little fishing?”

 

“Mmmm hmmm.  I thought maybe I’d catch a fish for Mommy.  Then maybe she’ll be happy and take the baby back to the hospital.”

 

“Somehow I don’t think so.”

 

“No”, he sighed, “I don’t think so either.”  He looked up at her with the classic Jack O’Neill, mischievous, ‘let’s do something fun and outrageous’ look she always mistrusted.  “You want to go swimmin’ with me?”

 

“Uh, I don’t have a bathing suit.”

 

“That’s okay.  Me and my friend Jimmy, we go skinny-dipping.  You can too.  I won’t mind.”  He looked at her with totally innocent eyes and she realized that it meant nothing to him.  He just wanted a companion.

 

“Sorry Jack, I think it’s too chilly.  Maybe some other time?”

 

“Okay”, he said, sounding disappointed.  He looked at her carefully and then grinned again.  Damn but she wanted to reach out and hug him.  He was so blasted adorable.  She suddenly wondered what a child of his would be like.  Don’t go there Sam!

 

“You’re pretty”, he told her.  “just like my Mommy.”

 

Well, she was glad he thought she was pretty, but didn’t know if she liked being compared to his mother.  She wondered what Jack’s mother had looked like.  She suddenly realized she knew nothing about his family.  She assumed both of his parents were dead and she certainly hadn’t heard anything about a sibling.

 

“That’s nice.”

 

“My Mommy’s got blond hair like you.  She’s also got blue eyes.  Daddy says they’re like poohs.”

 

“Poohs?” she asked, confused.

 

“I guess he means Winnie the Pooh but I don’t think Mommy has eyes like him.”

 

“No” she thought for a minute.  “I bet he said she’s got eyes like ‘pools’ – you know, pools of water – like the lake here.”  He turned and looked at the lake, his head bent sideways in consideration.

 

“Yeah, that sounds better than ‘poohs’.”

 

“Definitely.”

 

“Will you marry me when I grow up?” he asked out of the blue.

 

“Ah – I’ll – maybe you’ll want to marry someone else?” She didn’t quite know what to say.

 

“Maybe.  But I think you’d be nice.  I bet you’d let me have a bike instead of bringing a baby home!”

 

She laughed.  “I tell you what, if we ever get married, I promise I’ll buy you a bike.”

 

“Really?  Can it be red?”

 

“Certainly, a red bike it shall be.”

 

“Jonathon”, a woman’s voice could be heard calling from a distance.

 

“That’s Grandma.”

 

“Maybe you’d better go.”

 

“Yeah”, he sighed.  “Maybe Mommy’s coming with the baby.”

 

“You know what?”

 

He turned and looked at her.

 

“I bet you’ll love your baby brother or sister.”  She turned and knelt in front of him.  She reached out and gently took his arms in her hands.  “I bet you’ll be the best ‘big’ brother in the world.  You’ll have to look after the baby and always protect it.  I just know you’re going to grow up to be a big, tall man who looks after other people.”

 

“Ya think?” She almost choked on hearing those words but instead smiled.

 

“Oh ya – I ‘think’.  I think you’re a pretty special boy Jack O’Neill and I think you’ll find having a baby brother or sister is going to be better than any old bike.”

 

He thought about it seriously for a minute and then got that ‘half-grin’ he had when he was planning something sneaky.

 

“But you’ll buy me a bike when we’re married, right?”

 

“Absolutely.”

 

She was no longer by the lake.  In fact, she realized she was standing on a lawn and it was cold and drizzly.  She looked around, disoriented, only to realize she was standing in a graveyard.  There was a group of people standing over an open grave and the minister or priest was saying words over the coffin.

 

As she walked closer she could see a woman – no more than 35 or 40 – dressed in black.  She was holding a handkerchief to her face and was sobbing quietly.  Beside her was a young man – maybe 15 or so – tall and gangly.  He instantly looked familiar and she realized it was the face of the Jack-clone who had appeared a couple of years before.

 

This then, was Jack O’Neill.  Standing beside him, his arms holding her tightly, was a young girl of no more than 9 or 10.  She was crying into his shoulder and he was whispering words of comfort to her.  This then, must be the ‘baby’.  She smiled slightly – she wondered if he had been disappointed because it had been a girl.

 

“It’ll be okay Katie.  I’m here and I’ll look after you – always.  I’ll look after you and Mom.  You don’t ever need to worry, I promise.”  The young girl looked up and tried to smile.

 

“I know Jackie”, she said softly.  “It’s just that I miss him so much!”

 

“Me too Kate.”  He held her tighter.  He was trying desperately not to cry, to be the ‘man’ of the family, but Sam could see how much he was hurting.  She looked over at the coffin.  The dead man must be his father – she wondered what had happened.

 

She then realized that there were officers standing by and that this was, in fact, a military funeral.  She hadn’t known Jack’s father was in the – she looked closely at the officers – of course, Air Force!  That must be what had made Jack join up.  His father had been in the Air Force as well.

 

Looking at the clothes she realized it must be the mid to late Sixties.  She wondered if his father had been in Viet Nam?  She hoped that one day she’d find out more.

 

Once the flag had been presented the mourners all walked over to the O’Neill’s and gave them their condolences.  Soon, it was just the family and the priest left.  He spoke a few words and the family turned and headed back to their car.  As they walked, she could again hear Jack telling his mother and sister ‘not to worry’ – he would look after them and would be there for them ‘always’.  He certainly hadn’t changed.

 

Sam realized that she must be watching important moments in Jack’s life – defining moments.  The birth of his sister, the death of his father.  She wondered what was next.

 

The music was blaring so loud she could barely hear anything.  The room was also filled with smoke and the loud laughter and talking of people out enjoying themselves.  She could see the room filled with quite a few military men so they were near a base somewhere.  She wondered what year it was.

 

She turned and saw a man – Jack – walking towards her.  He actually looked older than he did right now after Cha’am had had him put in the machine.  He must be in his late 20’s she figured.  He seemed to spot her and he grinned.  He turned to the man next to him and said something and then began to walk over.  He’d only gone a few steps when he accidentally ran into a young woman, spilling both of their drinks. 

 

He turned and apologized profusely.  He grabbed a pile of napkins from a nearby table and attempted to wipe her off but, since the liquid had spilled down the top of her blouse, he only managed to embarrass himself and her.  Finally, he stepped back and said something to the young blond woman.

 

It was only as he laughed, and she looked up, that Sam recognized her.  It was Sara, his wife – or at least a much younger version of her.  Even though she knew she was looking at something that had happened year’s ago, before she even knew the Colonel – hell, she would still have been in school – she could feel a surge of jealousy rear its ugly head.  She knew it was silly but she’d felt like he was coming to her but had been side-tracked by this woman.

 

What would have happened if he hadn’t bumped into Sara she didn’t know.  She was from the future – she had no place here – so she had to get over this.  As the scene faded, she could see Jack take Sara’s hand and kiss it.  He’d found his first love.

 

“Damn it!   I need a car!” Jack shouted at the woman behind the counter.

 

“I’m sorry Sir.  We don’t have any available.  If you wait you may get a cab.”

 

“There are no cabs.  Have you seen it out?  It’s a bloody blizzard.  Look”, he said, trying to calm down.  “My wife is having a baby and I have to get to the damn hospital.”

 

“I’m sorry.  If there was anything I could do I would.”

 

Sam stood there listening.  Jack was dressed in his uniform and was carrying a duffel bag.  He must have just returned from a tour of duty somewhere – just in time to be with his wife – and now he was trapped at the airport with a storm outside.  Suddenly, without warning, it dawned on her – she had a car – right outside.  How, she didn’t know.

 

“Excuse me Sir”, she walked up to Jack.  “I have a car and I’d be happy to drive you.”

 

He turned to look at her, his gaze frantic.  It took him a second to realize what she had said and then a look of grateful relief appeared on his face.

 

“That would be fantastic.  Thank you.”

 

“No problem.  Come on, follow me.”  She led him out to the small car parked outside the rental car place.  She opened the door and gestured for him to enter.

 

“Where is the hospital?” God, she didn’t even know what city they were in.

 

“It’s the military hospital.  It’s close to Langley.  I’ll direct you.”

 

The driving was difficult but they made relatively good time since there wasn’t a lot of traffic on the road.  He didn’t say much at first but after a while began to speak.

 

“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.”

 

“No problem.  I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be stuck when your wife is having a baby.  Is it your first?”  She knew it was but needed to make conversation.

 

“Yeah”, he grinned.  “We’ve been trying for a while.” He stopped, seeming to realize that maybe that wasn’t something to tell a stranger.  “I’ve been based overseas but got leave for a month.  I was able to arrange it so I’d be back around the time she had the baby.  Just my luck to get caught in a snowstorm!”

 

“Don’t worry – we’ll be there soon.”

 

“Yeah, thanks.  What’s your name by the way?  My name’s Jack – Jack O’Neill.”

 

“Hi, I’m Sam.” She figured she’d better not give her full name.  She wondered if it had been a different person who’d actually driven Jack.  She had to wonder about this whole series of events.  Surely it hadn’t been her the first time this happened (or the only time – this was just a memory right?)  He would have surely recognized her if that had been the case.

 

“Sam, it’s nice to meet you.”

 

They chatted about inconsequential things all the way to the hospital.  If there was anything Sam noticed it was how much ‘lighter’ this Jack seemed.  Oh, there was a bit of sarcastic humor, but it was tempered and never mean.  Sometimes her Jack (she laughed at that) could get pretty caustic.  He could also have dark moods.  This man seemed – happy and without very much darkness in his soul.  It wasn’t surprising, she thought.  He hadn’t lost his son yet.

 

When they got to the hospital Jack asked her to come in and stay.  “I’d like you to meet Sara.  And anyway, it’s too miserable to be out driving by yourself.  I’d worry about you.”

 

She agreed, after quite an argument, and followed him up to the maternity wing.  It turned out he’d gotten there just in time!  The nurse ushered him in immediately to the delivery suite.  She noticed that he hadn’t even remembered she was there.  Oh well, he was about to have a baby so she couldn’t blame him.

 

She went and got a coffee and something to eat and sat reading and dozing.  It was a couple of hours later when she heard her name being called.  Jack was standing, holding a small bundle, with a huge smile on his face.

 

“Come and meet my son, Sam”, he said softly.  She stood up and walked over.  She looked down into the red, squashed, beautiful face of Jack’s son.  She looked at the baby and then at Jack and could see that his eyes were awash in tears.

 

“He’s beautiful.”

 

“Yeah”, he sniffed, “takes after his Mom.”  He looked down and took one of the baby’s tiny hands in his large one.  The baby instantly grabbed his finger and Jack just stared in adoration.  “This is the best thing I’ve ever done”, he said softly.  “This makes it all worth while – everything I fight for.  I’m gonna love you always, little man”, he said softly.  “I’m gonna love you and look after you and protect you for ever.”  He bent his head and softly kissed the soft little cheek.

 

Jack lifted his head and looked at the woman who had been so kind as to drive him to the hospital.  “Hey, you okay?” he asked. 

 

Sam felt like her heart had been ripped out.   She knew the story of Jack’s tragic loss, but it had never hit home to her before this.  Seeing him with his tiny son she only now saw the complete and utter love he had for the boy.  How he’d survived his death, she didn’t know.  But suddenly, she could understand him so much better.

 

She sniffed and wiped her eyes.  “I’m fine.  I’m sorry – I’m a sucker for babies.”

 

“Yeah”, he grinned, “They’re pretty cute.  I plan to have a dozen!”  He looked down again.  “Hey Charlie, how do you feel about being a big brother?  We’ll have to talk to Mommy about that I guess.”  He reached down and kissed the baby again.

 

“I guess I’d better get him back to his Mother or she’s gonna come and get both of us!  I wanted to thank you again.  You made it possible for me to be here for this – the most important moment in my life.  I’ll never forget you for that!”

 

“It’s okay”, she smiled gently.  “I’ll never forget it either.  Just love him okay?”

 

“Don’t worry, he’s the most precious thing in my life, that and his Mom.  We’re gonna be the happiest family ever!”  He smiled and then headed back into his wife’s room.

 

As the scene faded Sam wondered if she would be able to continue this journey.  She knew there was worse to come and she already felt shattered.

 

“Oh Jack”, she cried “How have you borne all of this?”  It was that – the fact that Jack O’Neill kept going, kept caring, even with all he’d been through, that made her determined to continue.  For him, she would not give up.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Down Memory Lane

SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/Anne/Documents/Jack's%20Hell%20Final%20Docs/Jack's%20Hell%20Chap%207.doc

It was hot.  Not just hot, it was sweltering.  She could feel the sweat already dripping from her face onto the collar of her shirt.

 

Where was she, she wondered?  Somehow it looked familiar but she couldn’t quite tell.  It was obvious that it a desert but which one was the question.  She turned around to try and see if she could place anything when she noticed something falling from the sky.

 

Squinting to try and see more clearly she realized it was a parachutist.  The problem was he was descending much too rapidly.  It looked like one of the cords had gotten tangled and the chute hadn’t opened completely.  Fortunately it was partially opened or the diver would have had no chance.

 

Her gut clenched and she suddenly realized she knew exactly what – and where – this was.  She remembered all those years ago when Jack had told her about falling and fracturing his skull.  This must be that time.  Without further thought she began to run to the spot where she thought the diver was going to land.

 

She didn’t get there in time.  When she arrived she could see the crumpled body of the man she was sure was Jack.  She ran up to him and looked down.  His face was covered by a mask and goggles and she gingerly lifted them up.

 

Yes, it was him – he looked to be in his mid thirties so this was very obviously the incident he’d told her about.  Carefully feeling his skull she pulled her hands away and they were bloody.

 

Damn, what to do?  She didn’t have anything with her to help him.  The only consolation was she knew he made it out alive so he would eventually be okay.  She just wished she could spare him the pain.

 

On that thought came the memory of what Teal’c had said.  This was one of those things that made Jack the man he was.  It was terrible, yes, to imagine and now see him go through this, but she knew she didn’t have the right to change things.

 

She unstrapped his chute and put him in the rescue position.  She then tried to make him as comfortable as possible but finally sat down and simply waited.   It was a good 45 minutes before she heard a slight groan and saw him move.

 

“Damn!” he groaned.  “Ow!” He attempted to roll over onto his back but grabbed his head when it hit the hard ground.  “Stupid chute”, he muttered.  “Probably packed by a damn Marine!”  He slowly pushed himself up but almost fell right back, his equilibrium totally off.

 

It took a few minutes but he finally made it to a sitting position and then looked around to orient himself.  His eyes briefly stopped when they got to Sam, and she was sure he’d seen her, but then he looked past her.  A couple of seconds later he looked at her again but then shook his head.

 

“Ah shit!” he groaned.  “Don’t do that you idiot!  You’ve got a broken head.”  He reached up and grabbed it and held on until the nausea and dizziness passed.

 

“Jack?” she said softly.  He stilled but then took a deep breath.  “Time to get up and get goin’ Jack me boy”, he said to himself.  “No good sitting here feeling sorry for yourself.”

 

He pushed himself slowly to his feet.  Once there he patted himself down, checking for other injuries.  “At least you didn’t break your leg or your ass!”  Once sure the rest of him was reasonably intact, he removed his parachute pants and shirt.  Underneath he was wearing simple beige camouflage gear.  He reached for his pack and checked to make sure he had his water, compass and other supplies.  Without further wasted effort he slung the pack over his shoulder.

 

“Okay, let’s get out of here O’Neill”.  He began to walk.

 

Sam accompanied him as he made his trek through the desert.  She couldn’t figure out if he knew she was there or not.  Sometimes he almost seemed to see her but then other times it was as if he were totally unaware of her presence. 

 

The first few hours he seemed okay but around mid-day he collapsed to the ground and started to throw up.  He grabbed his head again.  The pain must have been atrocious and she was sure the nausea was from the dizziness caused by the head wound.  She still figured it was a miracle he’d made it out alive.

 

They kept going for hours, only stopping when it got too dark to see.  Jack would collapse and take a sip of water and then simply pass out.  Even so, he seemed to have a sense of when it was time to come to and get going. 

 

Sam was amazed at the fact that she had no trouble keeping up and didn’t seem to need food or water.  Granted, she was in Jack’s mind – or someplace ‘out of time and place’ but still, she _felt_ real.  It was just that she didn’t ever seem to get tired.

 

By the third day Jack was having a rough time of it.  He’d been able to keep going on pure stubbornness and adrenaline but now his head wound was starting to affect him more seriously.  He began falling regularly – fortunately the ground was relatively soft – but he still managed to scrape himself up pretty badly.  He also started to mumble – mostly incomprehensible things – but occasionally he’d sound completely rational.  The only problem was that he was having conversations with people who weren’t really there.

 

Early on the fourth day he fell down and didn’t seem to be getting up.  He just lay there, exhausted and sick.  Looking at his face, Sam could see that he was beginning to give up. 

 

“Jack, you have to move!” she said.  She reached out and touched him and he jerked away.  He’d felt that!  “Jack!” she called again.

 

“Go ‘way”, he muttered.  “You’re not real.”

 

“Yes I am Jack – well, sort of.  I just want to get you moving.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because if you don’t you’ll die.”

 

“So?” God, he really wasn’t doing well.  She had to do something.

 

“What about Sara?  What about Charlie?”

 

There was silence but he suddenly frowned.  “Sara?  Char-?”

 

“Yes Jack, you have to make it back to them.  They need you.”

 

“Need me?”

 

“Yes.  They love you and they need you.”

 

He lay there as if thinking, but finally she could see a small nod.  He began to push himself up but was having trouble so she reached down and helped him.

 

“Thanks”, he murmured.  “Have ta get back to Sara.  She needs me.” He spoke to her as if he was explaining something to a small child.

 

“I know Jack, so let’s go.”

 

The next five days were hell.  Jack got steadily worse but kept on doggedly, determined to make it back to his wife and child.   Except for that one time, he never gave up.

 

She helped him by offering encouragement and helping him up when he fell.  A couple of times she scouted ahead and was able to find sources of water.  At one point she saw people coming and helped him hide.  Neither of them was sure if they were friendly or hostile but in his situation they couldn’t be too careful.

 

The odd thing about their journey was that Jack never asked who she was – or why she was here.  He didn’t seem to find her presence odd – or the fact that she neither ate nor drank.  She figured he must think she was simply a figment of his imagination.  Whatever he thought, he still relied on her, which made her grateful.

 

The few times he spoke the conversation was all about Sara and Charlie.  He clearly adored both his wife and child.  Knowing what eventually happened made the conversation incredibly sad but it also made her realize something about Jack O’Neill.  He was a real family man.

 

She’d only known him after he’d lost everything and, as a result, she’d always thought of him as a bit of a loner.  He seemed so self-sufficient and the quintessential bachelor and yet, listening to him talk, she realized how much he relished being part of a family.

 

She really shouldn’t have been surprised she realized.  He was the ultimate protector and having a family would be something he craved.  The thing that was even more special about him, was, that for all his protective instincts, he was entirely non-chauvinistic.  He clearly respected Sara and it sounded, from the little he said, that they had a marriage of equals.  Jack O’Neill, was one of the most manly men she’d known, and yet he was far from being a ‘macho-man’. 

 

“Sara’s pretty lucky”, she said suddenly.  He stopped and looked at her and got that embarrassed grin he’d sport when he was uncomfortable.

 

“Nah”, he said softly, “I’m the one who’s lucky.  Not many women would put up with me.”

 

She laughed.  That was probably true in some ways, but she figured any woman who got Jack O’Neill was still pretty damn lucky.

 

By the last day she didn’t think he’d make it – except she knew, in fact, he _did_.  He was in terrible shape.  He could barely walk and kept stumbling and falling.  She was holding on to him all the time now but sometimes she just couldn’t hold him up.

 

He was delirious and kept muttering nonsense, although every once in a while she heard ‘Sara’ or ‘Charlie’.  They were what were keeping him going.

 

It was late in the afternoon when he finally collapsed for the last time.  Try as she might, she couldn’t get him up.  She looked around, feeling helpless, when she saw what looked like vehicles coming from the distance.  Knowing there was no way she could move Jack out of the way in time, she simply crossed her fingers and stood there.

 

It was a convoy of military vehicles.  American, thank God.  The jeep in front stopped, but no one got out.  They were probably worried it was an ambush.  Finally, two men got out and slowly made their way over to the body lying in the dirt.  The men left in the vehicles were carefully covering them.

 

One of the men – a corporal – knelt down and carefully checked the body while the other man held his weapon in readiness.

 

“He’s alive but hurt.”

 

“Iraqi?”

 

“I don’t know, it doesn’t look like it.”  The Corporal fumbled around until he pulled out Jack’s dog tags and read them.  “Hell, it’s Major O’Neill, Air Force.  He’s the guy we were told to look out for.”

 

“I thought they said he was dropped over 100 miles from here?”

 

“Yeah, me too.”  He stood up and shouted to the front car.  “Captain, it’s that Flyboy we were told to watch out for.  He’s hurt and needs medical attention real fast.”

 

Suddenly there was a flurry of activity and a medic ran over and began to administer first aid.  It was about 10 minutes later when Sam heard a chopper arriving.  It landed and a medivac team rushed out and within seconds Jack was loaded on the stretcher and being taken to the chopper. 

 

“Stop”, his weak voice demanded.  Surprised, the medics stopped.

 

“What is it Sir?”

 

“Sam”, he called softly. 

 

Surprised – no, shocked was the word – she ran over.  “Yes C – ur Major?”

 

“Thanks Sam”, he looked at her and smiled gently.  “f’I wasn’t married - ”

 

She grinned back at him and laid her hand over his.  “I know.  I’m just glad you made it.  Sara will be happy to see you and so will Charlie.”

 

“Yeah”, he smiled again and then closed his eyes and passed out.

 

“What the hell was that?” one of the medics asked as they moved out again.

 

“Don’t know.  Must be hallucinating.”  He grinned, “wouldn’t have taken him for one of those.”  The other man looked at him in confusion as they climbed in with the stretcher.

 

“You know – gay.  Sounds like he’s in love with this Sam but he’s got a wife back home.”

 

Okay, she wondered, why was she still in the desert?  Jack had been rescued and, as far as she knew, he’d be taken home once he was well enough to travel.  He’d have some time with his family before shipping out again.  So, back to the first question.  What was she still doing here?”

 

The sound of gunfire filled the air and she dove down, even thought there was no real cover.  The yells and shots continued and soon she could see men running towards her position.  She could also see another helicopter coming in from a distance.

 

“Run O’Neill!” one of the men shouted.  “The chopper’s almost here.”

 

“I’m coming Frank!” the voice shouted.  “They’re on my six and comin’ in fast.”

 

“Well then, move your ass you skinny Irishman!”

 

Oh no.  She knew what this was now.  She was still in the same place but the time had changed.  Jack was about to be captured by the Iraqis.

 

She knew very little about his time as a POW.  No one, including Janet who must know some of the details, spoke about it.  From his reaction to Frank Cromwell, when the man had shown up at the SGC, it had been bad.  He clearly blamed Cromwell for leaving him.

 

Sam watched as history unfolded before her – and she knew it was going to be bad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
